Judge — May 22, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sees His Duty—"You ought to have pity for your fallen fellow-man.” “*Tain't my fault he’s fallen; [always put plenty of ashes on the pavement.” Baltimore American Red Tape Forever-—\ London news paper says that a recently discharged soldier, who had unpleasant) memories of his military experience, took the first opportunity after resuming his civilian clothes to write to his former colonel “Sirs After what [ have suffered for the last two years, it gives me much leasure to tell you and the army to go * a place to which only the wicked are consigned In due course he got this reply “Sir: Any suggestions or inquiries concerning the movement of troops ust be entered on army form 2132, 4 v of which IT enclose.””— Youth's Companion All Modern Improvements—" Thi house is rather old, isn’t it?? said the prospective tenant, “Oh, no,"’ assured the Real Estate Agent, “This house is comparatively modern.” “But these stairs creak terribly,” complained the Prospective Tenant “Oh,” explained the Agent, ‘that is the latest modern improvement in homes ‘That is a patent burglar alarm staircase No burglar can get up to the bedroom floor without waking you up.’—Cin cinnati F A Word of Advice—* Mr. Jobbles,”” said the head of the firm, “1 notice there’s a considerable item for meals in ur expense account,” “Er—L was entertaining customers and prospective buyers, sir.” “All right. I’m not complaining, but y I hope you will bear in mind that we are selling tractors, and no lady of the *—Birming chorus ever buys a tractor ham Age- Herald. Something Coming claim against the Government?’ “When I was war correspondent I got 10 cents a word.” “Well?” “And the censor deleted at least 400,000 words."” — Louisville Courier Journal coma solu port to la (Barcelona anything A Strong Weed‘ Have y against. Dibbler? “Nothing seri “Well?” “T simply dislike the way he has of parking his six-cent cigar on the corner of my new mahogany desk when he comes in to talk business.”’—Birmingh aAge- Herald. nt 5) Retribution— “And just as the Ger man let go of his machine gun and howled * Kamerad’ [ recognized him as an old restaurant: waiter.”” “Oh, and then?” “T tossed him a bomb and told him to keep the change.”—The Home Sector A Disarming Order—The atmos phere of the smoking-car lent itself to reminiscence. “Captain,” asked the hardware sales. man, “would you mind telling me how you lost your arm?” “Not at all, not at all,” replied the bronzed officer with the empty’ sleeve “It happened this way: We were due for another turn in the trenches the next day, so they were giving a dance for us that night back in the rest camp. A few welfare workers were there, and among them was the cutest little girl Lever met. 1 managed to dance with her most of the evening, and toward the end we wan- dered out in the moonlight... ‘Cap tain,’ she said, after a while, ‘please remove your arm.’ “And, you know, she queen [just couldn't refuse he Home Sector. as such a little The The Post-Age of Unreason ‘ou couldn't ask too ere cach!"—Le Rire (Pa ee = ys | | | ———————————