Judge — May 15, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> Pathetic plight of Jugg, who, having been mistaken for statuary at's contume ball, is forced to play the part. —Princeton Tiger. You Said It Jack—Say, Jill, you didn’t know that I was an electrician? I missed my calling. Jill—How’s that? Jack—Why, last night, over at Jane’s the electric light fuse burnt out. Guess who fixed it? Me—I—myself. Jilli—Huh! You're no electrician—you're an idiot.—Pennsyleania Punch Bowl. Presto! Here’s one on old Mrs. Gleaner, Who was using her vacuum cleaner; When baby at play, Got right in the way; And since then nobody has seen her. — Notre Dame Juggler. Modern Modesty Matron—I object to these one-piece bath- ing suits. Daughter—O, mother! I think I ought to ‘wear something!—California Pelican. Why They Drink Wood Alcohol “Yes, I was drunk when I married her.” “What did you do when you regained your senses?” “ “Got drunk again.”—Yale Record. Musical Comedy Stuff “Oh, you think that a girl can’t be on the stage and be good?” “Well, now, I'll not say that. But I’ve heard it isn’t necessary.”—Lehigh Burr. ritmo PG eA y y Old Stuff “ How did it happen?” they asked the scram bled motorist, as they picked him and the girl up from the roadside and tried to remove the tree from the brand new flivver, which had only recently superseded the family horse and buggy. “Well,” groaned the victim, “I was—er— busy, so I just gave her the lines and let her find her way home.”— J/linois Siren. Clever Idea “LT know a man that got six barrels of potetoes for inve dotiars. “How'd he work it?” “He offered to give five dollars for the best specimen of a potato sent him.” Notre Dame Juggler. Forgetful Frosh—Ma won't let me use the machine any more. Emerald—Why? Frosh—I forgot to clean the hairpins out of it last night.—Stanford Chaparral. Technically Speaking The Man—This is quite a book. Believe me, the author calls a spade a spade. The Girl (interesied)—Really? I must read it. What is it about? The Man—A book on farm implements.— Washingion Sun Dodger. Two Questions Two questions have I pondered Since but a little child. Where did old Victor Hugo And what made Oscar Wilde? —Pennsylrania Punch Bowl, f Ficurativety SPEAKING —Stanford Chaparral. 2 Female—What’s the trouble between Percival Caveman and his partner? Male—Oh, she cut a dance with him, so he is trying to make her understand “It is not being done by our set.” —Syracuse Orange Peel. Slips That Count Fascinated, I watched, Eyes glued on her. Years ago, , My nerves Had been shattered By the slipping of a ribbon. Was it To occur again? * Fascinated, I watched; It slipped Over her shoulder. Everything slipped Down—down! My heart stopped; Hers did not. Calmly She slipped The ribbon back.—California Pelican, The Proper Place He—I feel like proposing. Where can we go? She—Let’s try.the courtyard.—Pitt Panther. The Little Dear! Mrs. Newlywed (giving first order to butcher over phone)—Please send me a pound of steak. Butcher—And what else, please? Mrs. N.—And—and some gravy.—Penn- ‘syleania Punch Bowl. Drown by