Judge — May 1, 1920 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Aspiration This Prohibitionists’ decree Doth bruise ye dissipator, And so I think I'd like to be An Auto Radiator-— For does he worry? Not at all; Nor does he care a splinter He gets filled up on Alcohol, And stays that way all Winter. —Illinois Siren. Reasons Were Good Charity Collector — Have you any particular use for your old clothes? Citizen—“Yes, | am wearing them.”—Lehigh Burr. To An Urn Who fingered your smooth curves? Some ancient priest of yore? As from your mouth the incense swerved Toward yonder temple door— Who shaped your curved base? Who kindled your first fire? Who polished your green face? Who gently plucked the lyre? Ah, mystery is about your birth, —A deep and Onental stealth, —You probably first came to this earth —In some factory in Perth Amboy, N. J —Cornell Widow. A cynic, in our opinion, is a man who chooses a short girl to dance with in order to prevent her looking over his shoulder.—Jowa Fritol. The Whistling Girl She has a taste for whistlirg, A taste that’s not permissible, But still I don’t object to it, The pucker is so kissable. —Carolina Tar Baby. Toujours, Salome “Come hither, slave,” King Herod roared. “What means this uproar great, The sounds of which disturb the calm, Outside my castle gate?” “Oh, master,” moaned the cowering slave, A-tremble all from fear, “Salome dances there, without— That is the noise you hear.” “Without? What?” roared the King again, “Speak if your life you'd save.” “Without the castle walls, m’lord,” Replied the trembling slave. —Dartmouth Jack o' Lantern. “I've lost my pony. Have you scen him anywhere around?” “Yes. Come to think of it, | just ran across him down the road."—Minnesota Foolseap. Leap Year Lyric Said the sweet girl grad. to the fair co-ed, “Pray, what did he say, when he asked you to wed?” Said the fair co-ed, “Well, I must confess That I only remember his saying, ‘Yes.’” Dartmouth Jack o° Lantern Her Job Will—So your poor, blind grandmother wants a job? Wont—Yep. Doyouknow of any work for her? Will—Sure. Any sorority will hire her as chaperone.—California Pelican, “Lo axp Benoit” —Cornell Widow. Terrible! There was a young fellor from Ga. Who said to his girl, ‘I haveba. ff I'd ask you, I vow, To marry me now, But I’m sorry—I cannot afi —Stanford Chaparral, Inspiration She was young and pretty. He young and clever. They kissed. He wrote a poem com memorating the event. Again they met. ‘The events which occurred during their wali}} along the country road were rich, rare and racy They were parting. “You should be able to write a book now.” she whispered.— Pennsyleania Punch Bow! To Claribel They say that you amuse yourself with me. They tell me nothing new. I am, I_ know, The jumping-jack with which you're ple: to be Diverted for a while. You jerk me—sol And I jump with your humor. Yet the fun Is mine as well as yours. A merry race, These jumping-jacks; you'll find there is not on But wears a smile continual on his face. You pull the cord, and, grinning, I obey, Mocking with antics every move you ma Alone I could not cut the pranks I may With you as my example and my aid. A jumping-jack’s a quiet wooden thing Until a fool comes by and pulls the string! Stanford Chaparral. Expect This Every Issue “T'll never ask another woman to marry m as long as I live.” “Refused again?” “No—accepted.”—Columbia Jester. That Covers It Lowe—Why do the leaves of this book stay together? Downe—Oh, they’re bound to do that. —Stenford Chaparral. Alas! A maiden fair, in Dolman cape,— A nifty hat of bonnet shape— A long tight skirt this maid did wear, She tried to cross the thoroughfare; But oh, alas! The maid did fall, ‘And showed she had no socks at all! —Lehigh Bum