Judge — May 1, 1920 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Saving By Warr Mason Illustration by Raven Barton FEAR me much I'll reach the grave insolvent, a financial wreck; I wonder how some fellows save and salt down roubles by the peck? I wonder how they gather in the franc, the kopeck and the groat, the large round dollar made of tin, the metal money and the note. I often urge the giddy boys to put aside a useful roll, for saved up money makes a noise that’s gratifying to the soul. Anon they come to me and say, “We took your fatherly ad_ ice; we saved up for the rainy day, and now you sce us with the price.” And thus they show it can be done, it’s not beyond our human skill; but as for me, T have no mon, though near the foot of life’s long hill. I buy myself a suit of rags, it sets me back a hundred seeds— for poets must not look like vags, if they would sell their helpful screeds. And when I hang upon my frame this suit, to hide the rolls of fat, I see I cannot play the game unless I have a brand new hat. For one looks silly with a suit that shrieks its newness far and near, and then a hat too bum to shoot, that hangs upon his starboard ear. Then to the hatter’s store I wend, and buy a lid that’s up to date, and you can hear my groans ascend when 1 am asked to pay the freight. Ten useful bucks I have to dig when for the bonnet graft I fall; and then the blamed thing is too big, or else it’s half a foot too small. And when I’ve bought the modern tile, and paid for it all kinds of loot, I find my shoes are out of style—they do not [INcome TAX Money match my handsome suit. Then to the leather trust I go, and buy two shoes with non-skid tread; my bank account, already low, by this exploit is laid out dead. Oh, well I recollect the day when I first bought a motor car; it swallowed up a long year’s pay, and gave my standoff quite a jar. 1 thought I’d bought a car complete, all ready for long years of use, and I could teeter up the street, and knock the speed laws like the deuce. But soon I bought a set of chains, which took of coin about a peck; you need such things whene'er it rains, or you will skid and break your neck. Then there were covers for the seats, the cost upset my worried brain; I called on all the Mikes and Petes whose names men often take in vain. I 1 to buy an extra tire, a flashlight that refused to flash, and rims and jacks and coils of wire, and all these measly things took cash. I had to buy all kinds of junk they say a buzz-buzz wagon needs; ‘twas here a wheel and there a plunk, anon some beans, again some sceds. T hear of people who can save, and salt their hard-earned kroners down, and tales about them, bright and brave, are always floating through the town. I wonder how they do the trick, I wish they’d send me diagrams; my bank account is always sic tinkers’ dams. nd yet I strive, and pinch and slave, to keep some greenbacks on my shelves; I wonder how those fellows save; why do they keep it to themselves?