Judge — April 17, 1920 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Kercnoowss, Ir so “Ou, Wuenx T An The By War \vsox Ilustration b "VE had the indigestion, [ve it many times, and it, without a question, ranks high among the crimes; the patient’s anguished hollers resound o'er distant hills; I've spent a million dollars for indigestion pills. I've hired a thousand nurses, I've dodged untimely graves, and plumed ud stately hearses by narrowest of shaves. Oh, indigestion’s frightful, J hand the truth you; but still it seems delightful, shen placed beside the flu. I pause between my sneezes, and into tears L burst, and sey of all diseases the flu is much the worst; it makes me hot and chilly, and racks my ancient frame, and makes me look my heart is filled with shame — All day Tam kerchooing until my ribs pull loose, I’m cussing and beshrewing, ard groaning like the deuce, Andgwhen the neighbors enter, to see how sick Tam, I'm sneezing like a stentor, and saying words like Tm ready for the canner, I'm ready for the brine; P've lost all charm of manner, no dignity is mine With gout I used to loiter—an ailment for the rich—and I've had mumps and goiter and hives and barber's itch. With dlignity I'd suffer such ills in days gone by, and I could meet a duifer, and look him in the eye. By pain and torture riven, I still held up my head; and sympathy was given, when I lay sick in bed But now the doc is grinning, while doping me with oils; the nurse, a damsel winning, is laughing as she toils, [ pay then silly Good- Amuses Hicks, You'p Tixntorn Cirevs Vuiss tuar 1 Was Dotnc Some Tricks.” Flu Rane Barton hard-camed money. their tasks to gravely do; but there is nething funny about the doggone flu; and so I get no pity, the folks around me smile, and try to say things witty, which turns my blood to bile. Oh, when Tam kerchooing, it so amuses Hicks. you'd think that I was doing some tinhorn circus tricks. In pain T writhe and wriggle, in pain without a pause, and still the pec spring their loud guffaws. ‘The under- gat the door, and maybe th when Lam here no more, They may ad it pleasing, colling how they smiled, when T was busy sneezing, and sick, and mad, and wild. Ive had the croup and tetter, I've had bog spavins, too; as better than this dodgasted flu. I’ve had some ailments tougher than hoof and mouth disease; but made me suffer, they didn’t make me sneeze. When peuple came to visit I looked not to their eyes like Barnum’s famed what-is-it, and so they'd sympathize But with the flu a critter is an amusing jay; and people ome and titter, and chase themselves away. he druggist i and doubles up with mirth; in humorous 1 he gets his money's worth, The doc, who dopes and blue, can hardly check his And so, of all diseases, Lween my sneezes to taker's lorry is wait und anything while the! brings his potion emot Is, when we are sick when some one has the flu. is much the worst: I pause S accurst, comicbooks.com