Judge — April 17, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draven by Weasess Paras Digest of the World’ JOUR ! Di. Ly 4 P b Equal to the Emergency— Collec tion money was to little Tommy one of the essentials of church-going. Every Sunday morning he saw that his penny was ready. One day, just as the ushers began to take the collection, Tommy noticed that a guest in the family pew was not duly provided. Sidling along the seat, he whispered: “Where’s your penny’ “TL didn’t bring one, Time was short and the matter was urgent, but Tommy was quick-witted Thrusting his penny into the lady's hand he whispered: “Here, take mine! Ivll pay for you and Dll get under the seat!” —Busfalo Commercial. replied the lady A Juvenile Critic—A\ small girl in « South Side street car was trying to sty something which her mother appeared to be greatly trying to suppress. Several times the little One started, and cach time the mother leaned over to her and enjoined silence When the mother thought had been effectually squelched the youngster blurted out: don’t care. That ‘AIN'T’ and it Youngstown Telegram. her child over there ‘ISN'T lady says goes Something Like Cheese—.\ small boy came to the Brightwood library and solemnly asked for cottage cheese. ‘The librarian thought a moment and asked if he did not mean the book, “ Scottish Chiefs.” eYe he said pleasantly, “LE knew it was something like Indian apolis News cheese.” Pussyfooting! Nelo that Conflicting Accounts—Li. Mama, the minister told me today God gave me to you Mother — Well, He did, Helen—Then somebody isn’t the truth. 1 heard auntie telling Mrs Brown that the court gave me to you Boston Transcript. my dear telling It Shimmied—Johnny and Jimmy were at & party and, being away ina cor ner at supper time, they were not looked after very well. They managed to get some jelly and bread and butter, but no. spoons. “How shall we cat our jelly?” asked Jimmy “Balance it on your bread and butter,” said Johnny. “T tried t won't stay on; Houston Post * retorted Jimmy, “but it it’s too nervous.” Humor ALIS" Nia o A Queer Sanctum—The other day our heavy satin portieres were pushed apart, and a wild looking person entered sacrum, He shuffled across and placed a manuscript desk.—Ohio State our ele the velvet rv on our mahogany Sanatorium Optimist. “Our Advertising Rates Refer- ring to an old citizenasa “relic of antiq- uity,” Sr Calling a new made lawyer light of which the profession should feel “a legal proud,” $2.25 To call a man a “progressive citizen,” when it is known that he is lazier than a government mule, $1.7 Calling a female a “talented and re a valuable acquisition to with variations, $1.8 tizen as fined lad society Referring to a deceased man whose place will long remain un filled.” when we know he was the best poker player in town, $2.25. Extra rates are charged when the party is well.—.Arkansaw Thomas Cat. Roused His Ire—“I see have employed a bouncer.” “Yes,”’ said the editor of the Toadvine Argus. “We suddenly decided we need- ed one.” “What happened?” “A wild-eyed citizen came into the— er—sanctum the other day, with a shot gun in one hand and an ax in the other and demanded to see the fellow who had been writing articles for the paper on how to support a family of five on $1800 a. year," —Birmi Herald, you comicbooks.com