Judge — April 3, 1920 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ne "t know the fingeri: The Old Firm—Billy and Henry hadn't met for a long time, when quite unexpectedly they came across each other in the street Noticing that his friend was looking downcast, Bill clapped him on the back and said: “Hello, Henry. How are yer gettin on? Still workin’ for the same people?” “Yes,” was Henry’s sad reply. “Wife mother-in-law and to kids.” —Clereland Press. An Explosive Time—" How did Alice behave when her father discovered them loping?” “She burst into tears.” “What did Jack do? “Oh, he went all to pie “And the old man?” “Why, he exploded with rage and blew them both up.”—Boston Transcript. Progress—“‘I understand you are tak ing lessons to develop your will power.” “Yes,” replied Mr. Peckton, “I'm getting fine results, too.” “Congratulations!” “Why, I've already reached the point where I can defy Mrs. Peckton and send off $5 for another lesson without so much as batting an eye."—Birmingham Age- Herald. Fool-proof—"Henry, an agent came to the house this morning with a new kind of can-opener to sell.” “Well?” “He said it was fool-proof.” “Ah! That's pretty good. Any brain- less woman can use it, ch?” “Perhaps. But the point be made was that husbands who open cans for their wives can do so without cutting their fingers, spoiling the oilcloth on the kitchen table, spattering the walls with gore and shocking the neighbors with profanity."—Birmingham Age-Herald Lodgers Can't Be Choosers vin, derniére condition: comme le pi prittaire est pote, il veut pouvoir, chaque jour, us declamer ‘ous acceptons, “One last condition: as poet, he stipulates the right day and read his verses aloud to you.” “We accept.” —Le Rire (Paris) 18 iF: Easily Fixed—"Yes, auntie, it is rather sudden, but I am to be married next week.” “But you know nothing about house keeping.” “Well, there are plenty of magazines on the subject. 1 shall immediately subscribe to one of them.”’—Louisville Courier-Journal. The Reason—“Why is it that you never ask your lady customers what size they wear when they come in for new shoes?” asked the Friend “Well.” replied the Shoe Dealer, “It is a lot easier to measure their feet than to argue with them."—Cincinnati: En quirer Embarrassed—We all have our prob: lems. May we, for the moment, rest the weight of ours upon your shoulders? We have an artistic eye and can pick out love ly m 1, but we have no notions as to. the sizes worn by a lady with blue & and brown hair who is about five feet six inches in height and who weighs in the neighborhood of 160 pounds LéE House in Public Ledger Can't Fool the Ladies—"I see a lady candidate has cast her hat into the ring.” “Same hat she cast in two years ago,” commented his wife, “but made over.” Louisville Courier Journal. By Analogy—"lt appears to me,” quoth the sallow and unventilated young woman, “that if the Lord had intended me to sleep out-of-doors, he would have covered me with fur.”” “By the same token,” said the bright eyed girl with rosy cheeks, “one might infer that if the Lord had intended that you should get in a bath tub, he would have covered you with scales.”"—I/Ilinois Health News. So It Goes—“ ‘Is it my money he is after?’ a Woman used to murmur when a man came around whispering fine things.”” “Well? “Now, she says ‘Is he after my vote?’ ” Louisville Courier Journal. Good Way—‘How did you get your parrot to talk so fluently?” “T hung his cage in the room where my wife’s club meets.”—Baltimore American. comicbooks.com