Judge — March 20, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown ty Hewes Pataca Digest of the World’s Humor The High Cost of Living— ‘ Henry,” said Mrs. Gadder, “1! must have a new m pr car.” “Good heavens, woman,” exclaimed Mr. Gadder, “what's the matter with the automobile 1 bought you six months ago? Didn’t you choose the upholster- ing yourself and didn’t you have every contrivance you could think of put in the tonneau, by which you added nearly $2000 to the original price?” “Oh, yes, Henry, but I’ve been about quite a bit in that car. All my friends and acquaintances have seen me in it repeatedly, and it no longer attracts uttention when I go for a spin along the Dear me! When I'm in that ning to feel as if I were Birming- boulevard car U'm begi wearing a last year’s dress.” ham Age- Herald. Making the Round Trip—In one of the leading churches of the city the pas- tor took for the text of his sermon, “Better Church Attendance.” Phe pastor held that the automobile has taken more people away from church than any other thing. He concluded with the exclamation: “The Ford car has taken more people to hell than any other thing that I can mention.”’ Where- upon an old lady in the congregation be- gan to clap her hands and moan: “ Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord “What's the matter, siste pastor, “The Ford never went any place that it couldn’t make the round trip, and I am sure that all of those people in hell will be back. So praise the Lord. Springfield (11L.) Register. asked the Some Symptoms Laerewen—IMoortor car du ikk gaar, Per? p den sjukdommen jeg h terday? Pupil—I was ill “What illne “The Black Death.” Ki bbing! ‘The Black Death plague whic t over Europe in the mid dle ages. A urd of the inhabitants of Nor- vay died of it. Farms and houses were bandoned le villages wer soul near th are swe i “Who was it that wrote che “A little learning is a dangerous asked the Old Fogy. “Must have been some man who was trying to run an automobile for the first time,” replied the Grouch.—Cincinnati guirer w7 MIC What It Meant Willis, Sr.—I'm a self-made man. Made my money by hard work. Do you know what that me Willis, Jr—Sure. It means you were not clever enough to graft it, lucky enough to have it left to you, or handsome enough to marry it.—Tuven Topics. ans? Trifle Upset—‘What’s the matter with Flivver?” “Been playing the races.” “What happened?” “He started out to try and win a winter overcoat and lost a brick house.”— Lonisville Courier-Journal. Rash Statement—At the Working- men’s Institute there rose a fierce discus- sion as to whether women should be given a chance of filling the high appoint- ments. wouldn’t do!” said a youthful and newly married firebrand. “Just think of a woman as a Secretary of the Treasury. What do they know about finance, any- way?” His effective pause was spoiled by an older man, who said, solemnly: You just go home to the missus nex! Fiiday night $5 short in your pay, and you'll soon find out!” — Pittsburgh Chron- icle-Telegraph His Condition—Miss Mugg (in stu- dio)—I would like to have you paint my portrait, Mr. Smiers, but $1,000 is too much, Arsist—Well, UM do it for $7 Tl tell you in advance it will be an ovfully accurate likene Boston Tran- seript. o—but comicbooks.com