Judge — February 21, 1920 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

We will pay $1 cach for acceptable * amusing error of the types or a funny expres must be sent in to show the bona fide nature of the “break.” N inclosed, and no material previously publis considered for publication. We beg the pat 5,000 paragraphs on hand and can print but a few of these each week. It is obvious that only mirth-provoking paragraphs can be published. contributors. the range of this department. determines their acce plan Many duplic Daughter Helen Just Blew—Excite- ment reigned supreme for awhile last Tuesday afternoon when it was circu- lated, by means of telephone, through the neighborhood, that there had been an accidental EF. ION of HELEN, the old- est daughter.—Keyser (IW. Va.) Mineral News. More Cannon Fodder—One hundred and seventy-five million sHEEP were fired on the westerm front during the war. Boston (Mass.) Traveler. A Bootlegging Methodist—He re- moved his collar, tie and hunting jacket, but fortunately Nor Hs Boots. Then he rd, as he cautiously crept from the bed, a sound that he had heard many times before. It wis a low, almost in- audible hiss. He REACHED FOR HIS noots, knowing just where he had placed them. HE WAS VERY METHODICAL IN THESE SMALL WAYS. —Argosy Mag An Efficient Merman—In what is known as the Moen Pool, Mr. Hunsaker ROSE AND PASTENED a heavy fish, proba- bly round forty pounds.—Saturday Ere- ning Post Reverse English—We regret that lack of space PREVENTS the OmIsston of con- siderable news matter this week. This matter will appear in next week's issue — Canastota (N. Y.) Bee A Bungled Slaughtering—Slippery rails interfered badly with surface cars and POORLY SHOT horses were to be seen on their sides in all parts of the city.— New York Globe. A Pushing Personality—Mrs. Mary Moyal, who crossed Niagara in a BARROW, won't permit the London health authori- tics to renovate the 300-year-old house she lives in.—Cleveland (O.) Press r,and payment is made accordingly. Cheq: Bad Breaks” sion, JUDGE will pay 85. hed as “ Bad Breaks” is desired by JUDGE. ience of our readers ates of acceptable material have been received. This Week’s Prize ‘‘ Break"’ Contributed by ‘Tuomas F. MaGNer Bridgeport, Conn. The Accomplished Layman “A number of premiums have been taken by Bridgeport exhib- itors at the Meridan Poultry show. One of these GENTLEMEN came in and LAID AN ceptional size on our editorial table recently.”—Bridge port (Conn.) Telegram. A Noisy Operation—The body was taken to the morgue, where an OUTCRY will be perfotrmed.—Chicago Herald-Ex- aminer Another Wood Chopper Splits President Wood Tuesd Headline in the Chicago Tribune. Hog and Hag—More butchering in this neighborhood. Mr. Macklin a hog, also Will Conarty a hag and Harry Eaton a hog.—Seihert (Colo.) Settler. Via Jazz Band ?—There will be “eats” at 8 o'clock and again at midnight and an AMBULANCE, of music, both vocal and instrumental.—Meriden (Conn.) Record. Settled Down—Once he had told her that they had lived in the house for two CENTURIES, and that now his sister lived there alone.—Parisienne Magazine for February. Sister to the Turtle—Miss Farrow appeared, looking her well-bred, quiet composed self, and wearing, incidentally, a short, neat, becoming DRESSING-ROOM. —IMustrated London News. hich may be clipped from newspapers, magazines or books. The original clipping, with its source indicated in each instance, rejected “Bad Breaks” will be returned to senders unless postage is “Bad Breaks” in hose“ Bad Breaks” have been accepted for publication. The editor of “ Bad Breaks” cannot enter into corre Mere ty| Priori For the most rtisements will not be We have some ondence with sphical mishaps do not come within f receipt, as shown by the postmark, es for successful contributions are mailed on acceptance. Or Hot-Air Propulsion?—O.—ls it not a fact, that all of Lipton’s challengers, were built stronger and heavier than the American cup defenders, to enable them to cross the Atlantic A.—Yes, they were built stronger as they had to cross the ocean UNDER THEIR own steam.—Rock Island (Iil.) Union. ¢ Pushing Her Audience to the Wall —“Marie Dressler Crowds Empire.” — Headline in Syracuse (N. Y.) Journal. Cupid's Arithmetic—Col. and Mrs E. R. Brink are celebrating the sixty- YOURTH ANNIVERSARY of their marti. today at the home of Mrs. James 1. Smith, in Franklin Street. Colonel Brink is eighty-eight and Mrs. Brink is TWENTY-FOUR YEARS OF AGE.—Prters- burg (Va.) Progress. Collaboration—The choir will have an anthem, and it is hoped there may be a SON from the MALE QUARTETTE.—. ville (N. Y.) Journal & Republican. Absolutely—The gentleman of science who can, AS HE SITS DOWN TO EAT IIIS MORNING NEWSPAPER AND TO READ IIIS TOAST, feel that the world is a harmonious whole, that Relati matters nothing with one who holds sweet converse with the Absolute.—Detroit (Mich.) News. A Bad Horse and Ditto Reporter— W. D. Ditto, son of Mr. Frank Ditto, was KILLED by a vicious horse Friday and is CONFINED TO HIS BED as a result of the painful accident.—Waco (Tex.) Times- Herald. Bone-Headed Bludgeoning—Wed- nesday while passing in front of Will Haddix’s barber shop, John Garrett fell on the ice pavement and was seriously INJURED BY A FRACTURED SKULL.— Jackson (Ky.) Times.” comicbooks.com