Judge — December 20, 1919 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

As Custom: thange—" Any old. fashioned horse thieves around Crimson Gulch?” asked the visitor in quest of adventure. “No,” replied Cactus Joe. “The hoss thieves have all gone east an’ took to stealin’ automobiles, which is less risky and remunerative.” —Washington Star more Offensive Conduct—* That's what comes of riding in a flivver,” sighed the motorist who had barely missed running down a pedestrian. “What do you friend, between jolts. “That fellow back there wouldn't be shaking his fist at me so aggressively if 1 were driving a larger and more expensive Birmingham Age- Herald mean?” asked the car.” One Way—* Many arrested in your town, Uncle Si?” “No. There used ter be, but we set- tled them fellers, all right. Hain’t been hardly an arrest in six months.” “How did you manage it?” “Wal, we jest fixed the speed limit at -five miles an hour, an’ darned few of em kin make it, b’gosh!""—Boston Transcript. motor speeders Self-Control—“Thompson has won- derful control over his temper.” “That so?” “Yeah! When he takes the family driving and a tire blows out, he can actu- ally wait till his wife gets all the kids off to the woods before he starts the cussing.” Wichita Eagle. Fitting Revenge—W'ood—I_ under- stand some one stole your automobile? You are right. pretty low down, isn’t it just one thing I wish.” s long as I "—Youngs- “T hope the thief keeps it did and he'll go flat broke town Telegram. Too Expensive—" You have quit tak- ing automobile outings?” “Thave,” replied Mr. Dubwait, grimly “But why?” “T discovered that an outing for me usually meant an inning for some auto- mobile repair man.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. If It Were Wrong to Go to Church on Sunday! Scene outside almost any place of worship.—7 The Pirates of Auto Row—‘I'’m thinking of buying a car.” “An inexpensive car?” “My friend, there’s no such thing as an inexpensive car. Consider the number gasoline service stations, the tire em. poriums, the accessory and repair shops. People who run these places are not in business for their health.”"—Birmingham cAge-Herald. The Danger—V isitor—According 10 this newspaper, the war cost— Movie Magnate—S-b-h! Visitor—What's the matter? don’t want the like that.— Movie Magnate—1 Like Unto Lobsters star to hear any amount Film Fun. With the Tan Shoe Guy in Eve- ning Clothes—What has become of the fellow in the moving pfeture who never sat down and ate a meal without a nap- kin tucked under his chin?—Jacksonville Times-Union. Animated Art—‘What’s on the pro- gram today?” “ Moving pictures.” “I thought you were getting into your new house.” “Tam, and have got a raft of a'le art that I'll have to move myself, Louisville Courier-Journal. Easy to Look at—“I hear you have entered motion pictures.” “ve had a small part for three weeks?” Paucres betes! f. How are you getting along?” t trop prés du feu, qu'ils sont ag at’s hard to say. I have no diffi- culty in registering admiration for the however.” — Birmingham — Age- » Maid—Poor th Somebody put them t ar the fire and now they're all red.—La Baionnette (Paris) star, Herald.