Judge, 1919-12-13 · page 13 of 36
Judge — December 13, 1919 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Political Satire Analysis **"Ivan As You and I"** mocks radical communists/socialists. Ivan Aufelitch espouses revolutionary rhetoric—eliminating capital and private property—yet ironically depends on capitalist commerce. A police dispersal silences his street preaching, but he pragmatically accepts his wife's order to buy coffee from a grocer (Michael Donnely, likely representing working-class capitalism). While advocating throat-cutting violence against property owners, he politely completes a transaction with one. The satire: radicals are hypocrites whose ideology crumbles when confronted with everyday economic reality. **"Lyof the Terrible"** satirizes post-revolutionary Russian workers as chaotic and directionless. The narrator's day cycles absurdly: construction work interrupted by constant political meetings, demonstrations, riots, and revolutionary activities—accomplishing nothing. He incites revolutions casually ("just for practice"), addresses crowds on random topics (wolf hounds, bridge strategy), and ends unable to find either government or employment. The satire targets Russian Bolshevism as anarchic tumult masquerading as governance—all activity, no actual progress.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ivan As You And I By CL. Fuwe IS name was Ivan Aufelitch; his middle name was Red. H He talked of proletariats; all capital, he said, Should be entirely wiped away; and as for property— A total lack of ownership was all that he could see. One evening as he spouted forth his soapbox sermonette A copper chased the crowd away, else he'd be talking yet. When he returned to where he lived his wife was on the scene | And sent him out for half a pound of coffee in the bean. So Ivan sought the grocery a block or so away That’s owned by Michael Donnely. It’s open night and day. While Mike was wrapping what he bought, the turn of fortune which Deprived him of his audience occurred to Aufelitch. And so he talked to Mike about how splendid it would be To cut the throat of every man possessing property, And talking on with little note of Mike’s expressive mien, He promptly got his half a pound of coffee in the bean. All They Want “Why is there so much interest in a minimum wage?” “Dunno,” said Uncle Pennywise, “unless it’s becauz so many people are trying to qualify fer it.” L cil at AR ween | Dawn by A. B. WarKer “I'm going to be an actress when I grow up. Just think of the lots of Xmas presents them long stockings would shold.” 13 | . Drawn by J. K. Bryans “Yes, my dear, I heard you were married, but I thought it was’ a joke.” “It isn’t!” Lyof the Terrible By Harry Hamitton Being a Specimen Day of a Russian “IWorkingman” EFT home with my dinner pail (made out of a grand duke’s coronet under the old regime) and dodging a riot or two, reached the job without incident. Mixed a little mortar and took part in two demonstrations. Left to attend a meeting of the Workingmen’s Coun- the Townhallovitch. Passed a few laws, city ordinances, etc. Returned to job and finished mixing mortar. two bricks and took part in a demonstration. Took part in a counter-demonstration. Slightly wounded, but still able to demonstrate. Addressed open-air meeting. Addressed my apprentice and censured him for bringing up mortar faster than I could use it. Sniped him. Rested. Incited two riots and a revolution. Laid Knocked off for lunch. Returned to work re- freshed, and took up trowel. Put down trowel and took droski to the National Convention of Former Vodka Victims. Addressed them on di- rect action, universal eace, plural marriages and nationalization of Siberian wolf hounds. Demonstrations. Riots. Arrested. Liberated by mob and returned to job, call- ing for more bricks and more mortar. No mor- tar to be had; mixer having departed for the Convention of the Petrograd Order of Mortar Mixers. Demonstration. Destruction of building. Strolled over to the Winter Palace and made a few laws against the middle classes. Addressed an open-air meeting and find I have quite a fol- lowing. Think it might be a good idea to over- throw the government, just for practice. Led my followers, variously demonstrating, along the Nevski Prospect, addressing them en route on the subjects of eugenics, intensive farming and correct leads at Bridge. Decided to overturn government. Couldn't find government. Decided to return to job. Couldn’t find job. Demonstration!