Judge — November 29, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bang!—"“Say, dad, what is a vi circle?” “A punctured Louis Republic. tire, my son.”—St. Picturesquely Put—Disgusted Cop (at_ crossing)—Some chauffeur, you are! Say, if you were crossing the Sahara desert you'd run into a hydrant. —Boston Transcript. The Mind of a Motorist—“What do you regard as the most important of our railroad problem: ?” “Beating an express train over a grade crossing,” answered Mr. Chug- gins.—Washington Star, Harmonious, Considering—Hewitt— How do you and your wife get along considering that our automobiles are not of the same make.—Houston Post, Held to Crude Methods—“Why did you become one of these taxicab ban- dits?” inquired the philanthropic visitor. “Well, you see, | couldn't afford to have a taxicab of my own and depend on collecting fares.”—IVashington Star. The Proper Thing—‘“So you the chauffeur and his bride a fi send-off, did you?” “Rather! The old shoes we threw at them were old automobile shoe Boston Transcript. Outside Help—“Personally, I don't believe grocers ever put sand in their G “They don't have to around here,” answered old Mr. Putterh “What with autymobiles an’ one thing an’ an- other zippin’ through Chiggersville from sunup to dark, all a groceryman’s got to do is to leave the cover off his sugar barrel an’ let it accumulate.”"— Birmingham Age-Herald. Offensive Conduct— “That's what comes of riding in a flivver,” sighed the motorist who had barely missed run- ning down a pedestrian. “What do you mean?” friend, between jolts “That fellow back there wouldn't be shaking his fist at me so aggressively if I were driving a larger and more expensive car.”—Birmingham Age-Her- ald. asked the A Favored Traveler—“These roads are in a terrible condition,” exclaimed Mr. ‘Chuggins, “You're lucky,” remarked Farmer Corntassel. “Most of the automobiles who get this far are so busy lookin’ for a blacksmith shop or a garage that they don't have time for friendly con- e smoke rings, You see he has a square mouth.”—F liege Blaetter. versation ‘bout the roads."—IWVashing- ton Star. As Customs Change—“Any old- fashioned horse thieves around Crimson Gulch?” asked the visitor in quest of adventure. No,” replied Cactus Joe. “The hoss thieves have all gone east an’ took to stealin’ automobiles, which is less risky and more remunerative.”"—IVashington Star. Same to You—“Sure,” said Patrick, rubbing his head with delight at the prospect of a present. “I always mane to do me duty.” “T believe you,” replied his employer, “and therefore I shall make you a pres- ent of all you have stolen from me dur- ing the year.” Thanks, yer honor,” replied Pat; “and may all your friends and acquaint- ances trate you as liberally.”—Houston Post. The Power of Sociability—An Irish political candidate who felt sure that a certain elector was against him, was surprised to have that elector call and announce that he would support him to the limit. Whin the other day ye called at my place and stood by the pigsty and talked hour, ye didn’t budge me an said his visitor, “But after ye'd gone away, I got to thinkin’ how ye reached yer hand over the rail and scratched the pig’s back till he lay down wid the pleasure of it. I made up my mind that whin a man was so sociable as that wid a poor fellow crathure, I wasn't the bhoy to vote agin him.”—Bos- ton Transcript. More Gas ZY Z tse2 Tea oF fm seat ‘You GOTTA hee The Old Billville cracker-box club has moved into new quarters —Cleveland Plain Dealer. 2 11-29-19 comichooks.celu)