Judge — November 22, 1919 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

La Raionnette (Paris). Digest of the World’s Cured Him—The late Sir John P. Mahaffy, Provost of Trinity Colle Dublin, was brilliantly witty, and many of his good sayings are in general circu- lation. But he. occasionally met his match, One of his encounters was with the late Dr. Salm Provost of Trinity before Dr. Traill. Mahaffy was one day inveighing against corporal punishment for boy ) he declared never did any ge ke my own case,” he ex- laimed. “I was never caned but once in my life, and that was for speaking the truth, “Well,” Salmon retorted caustically, “it cured you."—Buffalo Commercial. One by John D.—John D. Rocke- feller, Jr. is fond of quoting his father. Here is an anecdote of the senior Ro feller he related to exemplify the point that if the mountain would not come to Mahomet, Mahomet must go to the mountain : “My father likes to tell the story of a farmer who met another farmer, both of them driving in a narrow country road in the deep snow of winte:. The track was only broken in the center of the road, so that turning out was diffi- cult, When the two met, the farmer said, with a blustering manner: ‘If you don't turn out for me I'll do to you what I did to the last man T met who wouldn't turn out for me.’ fuch alarmed, the second farmer promptly pulled out in the deep snow to let his helligerent neighbor pass. When he was hack in the road again he turned and said to the first farmer: ‘Tell me, neighbor, what did you do to the man who wouldn't turn out for you?" ““T tur out for him,’ replied the hot-headed farmer.”—Pittsburgh Chroni- cle-Telegraph. New Fish, Too—Lord Londonderry, who narrowly escaped being killed in an airplane accident recently, is fond of telling the story of a smart lad whom one of his keepers caught one day fish- ing in his private waters. 11-22-19 The Soft Answer “Did you see that? Your darn dog bit_my ankle.” “Well, what did you expec darling to do—kiss your f¢ Bulletin, the little Sydney “You mustn't fish here,” he was told, “these waters belong to Lord London- derry.” “Do th aid the boy. “I didn't know that.” And promptly laying aside his rod he took up a book and com- menced reading. The keeper therefore departed, but returning the same way about an hour or so afterwards he found that he had started fishing again. “Didn't I tell you that this water belonged to Lord Londonderry?” he shouted. ‘Why, you told me that an_ hour ago,” retorted the youngster. “Surely the whole river don’t belong to him, his share went by long ago.”"—Minneapolis Tribune, Senatorial Dignity — “Were you much impressed when you saw ‘the United States Senate _in session?” No,” replied Mr. Ce just returned from a vis ton. “In fact, I was kinder disappoint- ed, ‘Twarn't much different from a session of our own state legislature, ‘cept that them fellers in Washingtc heat about th’ bush quite a spell be- fore they come right down an’ call each other liars."—Birmingham Age- Herald. 13 Humor The Point of View—"Do you thii you can get me out of this scrape asked the confidence man of his shifty lawyer, fow much would it be worth to me?” “Suppose we say $1,000 “And you made $50,000 out of the sir, I don’t see the slightest chance to get you acquitted for $1,000; but, ahem, we might view the matter from another angh “What do you mean?" “Looking at your case from a $3,000 angle, I don’t see the slighest chance for you ‘to be convicted.”—Birmingham Age-Herald, Has to be Pumped — Journalist — Queer ing that about truth lying at the bottom of the well. Lawyer—You wouldn't think so if you knew the amount of pumping we lawyers have to do to get at it.—Edin- burgh Scotsman, Trained — Her Soldier Husband — One of the first things I learned in the army was how to carry a 70-pound pack ona 20-mile hike. Mrs. Sububs—How lovely! ow T must insist on your going shopping with me this afternoon—Houston Post. His Regular Fee—Young Man—I should like to ask your advice, sir, as to whether you think your daughter would make me a suitable wife Lawyer—No; I don’t think she would. Ten dollars, please—Bosion Transcript. He Should Know—“Here’s a charge all lasting half an hour on our said the lawyer to his wife. That was my call, Twas sking ‘a friend of mine a question,” re- d the wife. And_ did it take half an hour to ask one of —Yonkers You see, those hypothetical quest Statesman.