Judge — November 22, 1919 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Revoen P. Stercuer, S Joun A. Stricter, Presid A. Wat Perrtton Maxweut, Edite J Hasutton, Art Director Managing Editor A. E. Rottaver, Treasurer Gran , Literary Editor Lawton Mackatt We are Thankful Because we “prais se God from whom I blessings flow,” praise ourselves and give credit to our enemies. * Fathers, having builded the Ame » Commonwealth, thoughtfully surmounted it with Thanksgiving Day as their own monument, thus saving posterity a large sum in bricks and mortar. For in the benediction of every spirit on this day there is pride in our heritage of great men, which, augmented by generations of homage to human worth, sweeps on through the National soul until it inspires the boy warming his bare feet where the cows laid down until he puts on a pair of shoes and becomes a great man himself. In the pause in our wooing, working and worrying, we reflect upon the greater and the lesser things, upon the eternal and the transient—upon the munificent cor- nucopia of destiny that poured over this continent so many citizens that earn a dollar zestfully and spend it gleefully, Cavaliers that bow before all good women and kiss the other girls just for luck, Puritans to smite the Amelikites, in- N Thanksgiving Da We feel that when the antiquary shall take his stand amid the ruins of our proudest temple to decipher on the mouldering pedestals the symbols of our departed splendor, he shall record that the civic deities of the mighty race were called in the Yankee tongue: “Old Glory and Democracy, High Wages and Pumpkin Pie.” Shall We Stay Immortal Monkeys? A PARISIAN surgeon announces that he has re- stored the full vigor of youth to two old men by engrafting on them the glands of apes. They can now climb trees, crack nuts with their teeth, part their hair in the middle and go courting. Every human being is awaiting further developments—the old folks laying plans a thousand years ahead and resolving not to walk on the railroad track, while the younger element is re- flecting that either the apes must be shot now or the old codgers on Judgment Day Humanity is ever eager to attend the clinic on lon- gevity; to remove old age by an operation, or to take pills. Methuselah would have leaped on the table at nine hundred years of age to have a whole tubful of tellects to enjoy fiction and discern truth, wedding rings and mixed chocolates, wise neighbors, pretty words, love songs, and appetites hungry for happiness, fame and turkey. We are thankful because the 3ible was here the original “best seller”; that in establishing freedom of conscience the Constitution charitably assumed that every citi- zen had one; that our theolc Jonathan Edwardses and our re- forming John Browns of Ossawat- tomie had their minds on the Mil- lennium and their hearts in the Great Republic; that such pictur- esque accessories to the scenery as war-whooping Indians and_ bull- bellowing demagogues have never disturbed the picnic in the pasture. 11-22-19 TO OUR READERS A bitter warfare between two union bodies in New York has caused strikes in printing establish- ments in that city and compelled many publishers to suspend pub- lication. It was necessary for the pub- lishers of JUDGE to make an entirely new arrangement for its printing. With an edition of 225,- 000 copies a week, it was difficult to secure the necessary facilities, but this has been done. No issue of JUDGE will be missed! Some have been a few days late. We trust that our patrons will recognize the difficulties under which we have labored to serve them. We also bespeak fair con- sideration for contemporaries who have been compelled to suspend entirely the publication of recent issues through no fault of their own. apes’ glands grafted on his strategic parts; all around us are hosts of wild young fellows of seventy years who would like to sow oats and play marbles until the sun burns out. With the automobiles ravaging the earth, war, ‘flu and wic loose in the lands of the white man, it be- hooves us to cease all monkey-shines and inquire how the law of supply and demand shall affect the stock of apes’ glands on hand and potential. We must cither grow our own apes, or seize Africa, for the law of self-preservation impels out states- men to corner glands just as the government controlled wheat. After our surgeons have. bestowed eternal life we can inherit the earth by letting other nations die off.