Judge — November 15, 1919 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Irrepressible, Queensbury Rules Vo—I'll never go riding again in the machine with that football referee. Vera—Why? B. Vo—He looked around to where 1 was sitting with my girl and penalized me fifteen yards for holding.—IWisconsin Sun Dial. There once was a Freshman from Farrel Who wore loud unbecoming apparel, Till a needy young Soph Made him take the stuff off— Now he wanders around in a barrel. —Penns, Punch Bowl. You Say You Love a Brunette? I thought I loved a dark brunette, A so I cid, I swear, Until upon my ‘butter dish 1 found a strand of hair! us as the night, queen, The strand was beau It might have graced But little was it qualified To profit margarine. As heart and stomach are allied, It turned my. warm love cold— I left off courting darksome Ruth For one with hair ef gold. Now this is why I much prefer The second choice, you see Her hair, if lost in oleo, Might pass unknown to me. —Carolina Tar Baby A Political View “What do you think of the two candidates?” “Well, the more I think of it the more pleased I am that only one of them can be elected."—Michigan Gargoyle. Ingenuity t—Waiter, this steak is like leather and nife is dull Waiter—You might strop the knife on the steak—Michigan Gargoyle. Sarcasm Father (sternly)—Young man, I saw you put your arm around my daughter last night. Youth—I suppose you noticed how she struggled, too.—Stanford Chaparral. 11-15-19 Discouraged The Freshman sat upon the Library steps. He was engaged in dismal reminiscence. A strange ck by this forlorn spectacle, ap- proached and touched the youth upon’ the shoulder. “My boy, why are you in such a sorry mood?” The lad propped his head upon his “I've just read the ‘Book of Fam read about Carnegie, of Wright, of Lincoln—I've read about all those self-made men. I had hoped that some day my name would be written in that book.” “My boy,” quoth the Stranger in a consi ing tone, “and somewhere in that book didn’t it mention a_college man?” “It did. That is just the trouble. In the Rise of Tom Stowe, the Street Car King, it mentioned four football captains who rmen on his cars.” And are you discouraged?” ssuredly am,” sobbed the lad. “I can't and I don't know how to drive a "California Pelican Why Not “Cut In”? “I hear they have established a home for telephone operators.” “And what did they “Listen Inn." —Penns; ame it vania Punch Bowl. Atappin AND His Wonperrut Lamp —California Pelican. Irresponsible English As She Is Spoke Dorothy—Didja meetum? Helithrope—Nope. 1 never sawum. D.—Well. Helen did. And just think what she did when she foundum? H.—Wazzat? D.—She tried to vampum.—Ohio Sun Dial. =e Both in the Same Notion “What are you going to do?” she asked meekly as he slowed down the car. “Kiss you,” he answered boldly. “That's what I thought.” (Business of brakes.) —Ohio Sun Dial. A Give-Away Visitor—What lovely furniture Johnny—Yes, I think the man we bought it from is sorry now he sold it; anyway he’s always calling —Vale Record. Great! “It's great to be on the water-wagon.” “How's that?” “ you can stop off every and catch up with it.” Dartmouth Jack-o'-Lantern Startling Statistics (As they appear in the leading and misleading periodicals) No. 6) Do you know that all the sleepers of the Penn. R. R., if placed end to end, would form a daisy chain around the continent of Africa, and there would be enough left over ‘¢ toothpicks for the entire Swedish 667—In 1918 seventy people died in the village of Short Wind, Okla. Gasp when we tell you that at that death rate there are now three living people in the U. S. A. No. 668—After questioning the poker play- ers of America it was found that the annual amount of money won at the game exceeds the amount lost by enough to supply the Chinese Empire with platinum chopsticks. No. 669—Can you believe that the gowns used by the Ziegfeld chorus for one year alone would make a pair of pajamas for a full grown man?—Harvard Lampoon, comlichooks.