Judge — November 8, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Latest Professicn “Go on, Bert! Lunnon restarongs Sait 6G The Ruling Passion—“Who,” asked the officiating clergyman, formally but impressively, “gives this’ bride aw: “I—I was to,” stammered her father, “but I've been a retail salesman t long to give anything a Let some- body else do it."—Philadelphia Ledger. As Usual—‘Roberts,” said the finan- cier to his secretary, “who was that persistent fellow who wanted to sec me?) One of those book agents, sir.” “Ah! I'm glad you Gids't let him in. How did you get rid of hin The usual method, sir. I bought a set of books."—London Tit-Bits. There to Suit—“What I want to sce is one big union,” said the fat man. “You shall see that very thing the salesman. “What fize do you wear?"—Buffalo Express, Novel Stunt in Advertising—They are not so slow in Russia as many of us imagine. An American relates that while in Moscow before the war he one day saw a crowd gathered around a little fellow who was bawling at the top of his lungs. Many asked him what the trouble was, but he kept on crying, and the crowd increased; then ull of a sudden he stopped and said in a foud voice: “I am lost. Will somebody please take me home to Ivan Tobinsky, th p clothier of Moscow, who has a full sup- ply of autumn overcoats, st t shirts, hats and umbrellas, which he will sell cheaper than anyone else in the city."—Boston Transcript. —The 2's the bloke wot's down ‘ere inventin’ the jazz music for th Passing Show g Instructions — As he weighed out the sugar the grocer’s boy whist led lustily, “Don't you know that it is very rude to whistle while you are waiting on a lady?” said the ‘elderly customer, the guv'nor told me to do it shen I served you,” explained the bov He told you to whistle?” said the customer, in great surprise. “Yes'm! He said if ever we sold you anythi; we'd have to whistle for the money.”"—Houston Post, The Moderate Radical “Abolish caj If they did that, burglarize ? ital and priva what wo Id ve Ic ft { ir Jugend (Munich). 20 Mean Brute!—"“Do you think it is safe to trust money to the mails?” asked Mrs, Gabb. “A blame nt safer than trusting it to the females,” growled Mr, Gabb.— Cincinnati Enquirer. Taking No Chances—Gibbs—So you went after the job. I thought you be- lieved that the office should seek the man, Dibbs—1 I thought it _m it reached me.—Zoston do, but this is a fat job and ht get winded before Transcript. Nature—“It’s no “T may Limitations of use,” sighs the nature wizar as well give up.” “What is bothering sympathetically. got started a few years ago on im of mine. I took a head of ¢ and crossed it with a white potato and grew eyes on it; then I crossed them with a cornstalk and grew ears on it; then I crossed that with a squash and grew a neck on it; then I crossed that with a cocoa- nut and grew hair on it, but hanged if I can figure out what to do for a nose and mouth !"—Chic Journal, aw A Delicate Knock — Professor — What is a psychanalyst? Student—As | understand it a psych- nalyst’ is | a_ sublimated| form of eeping Tom."—Journal of the Amer- ican Medical Association. Well, Hardly—O fficer—Why are you begging on the streets? Mendicant—You wouldn't expect to find me beggin’ in an aeroplane now would you! Yonkers Statesman, The Literary Lad—“Well, well, my boy, how did you come to fall out of that tree?” “I didn't come to fall out at all, I came to climb it."—Detrott News, Is It Producing Many?—“Anyhow the kids on our street are right up to the minute.” “So?” Yes. They've formed a league of neighborhoods to prevent fights."—De- troit Free Press. One Continual Round—/od Carrier (as he enters the taxi)—Home, Danny! Driver—Lovely loafers!’ What are you pampered pets striking for again shorter hours or bigger wages? Hod Carrier—Smaller hods!—Buffalo Express. The Misplaced Climax—“Why do you start to laugh now? I'm just be- ginning to tell the funny story.” You're getting it off backwards, dear hoy."—Louisville Courier Journal,