Judge — November 1, 1919 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Herman PaLmer Judge Joun A, Suecier, lresident Reunen P. Steicurr, Secretary A A. Watoron, Literary Editor Editorials E. Routsuer, Treasurer. Grant E, Hasinton, Lawton Mackate, Perriton Maxwett, Editor J: In Derence Or A Perrect Lapy LREADY the sleuth-hounds of regulation, re A straint and ultimate prohibition are on the trail of the fair Lady Nicotine. They are be- ing led by that far-from-inconsiderable group of professional reformers who fought old Barleycorn ona salary and who are now looking about for work to do. JUDGE has no quarrel with honest people opposed to young Dame Nicotine on principle—those who are sure that she is a corrupter of youth, an impoverisher of homes, a blood-sucking hyena that lies in wait for strong men and fair women and drags them down from all that is good and pure to the depths of rest- ful reminiscence and_ healing xation, But His Honor does feel that Lady ‘otine, having been con- sidered a lady by common consent since the days of Sir Walter Raleigh, should be protected against the machinations of the professional uplifters who fight the current premier vice because that is the easiest way they know of making a living Of course there is but little doubt that all of the wife-beating, nine-tenths of the pov- erty, two-thirds of the murders, one-half of the divorces, and from thirty to forty per cent of all other crimes committed since Par- leyeorn went to his re- ward, are directly traceable to cigarettes, cigars and jimmy pipes. A man under the influence of agood cigar is hardly better than a brute maddened -by the sightof fresh gore. And more and more every day are pure, innocent ladies being dragged into unaccountabiliy by tailored cigarettes and Draun by Norman AntHONY ne VALUE OF AN EpucaTtion 4 led to gossip about their absent friends, the like of which has never been heard of before. That is why JUDGE is willing that sincere folk who make these charges and know them to be true should lead in the dethronement of the sweet lady of the dream clouds. But the sleek, oily, unco’ guid pro- fessional, who desires only to traffic in these charges ona salary, must keep his talons out. Joy ny Apsorrtion C URIOUS things come out of the Patent Office at Washington. A recent patent granted to Frederick Wilhelm Emil Muller, of Chicago, described as “a new and useful hair toni should interest the prohibitionists, if not the baldheads. This inventor describes his invention as “a hair tonic consisting of pure water ten per cent., an extract of ripe black currants twenty-five per cent., granulated sugar five per cent., best corn whisky forty per cent., and port wine twenty per cent.” According to the formula the currants are placed in the whisky and left there for four weeks. Then they are sepa- rated from the whisky by straining and are “no longer used.” The strained whisky is then “thoroughly ingled with the water, sugar and port wine by agi- tation.” This composition, says the inventor, “should be thoroughly rubbed into the scalp with the tips of the fingers several times a day. The “Kick” should get home quickly and the ensuing intoxica- tion by absorption should be complete and satisfying.