Judge — October 25, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of the World’s Humor THE SEX The New Modesty—“The new mod- said Clarence Underwood, maga- zine illustrator, “has a frank quality. It is born of athletic beauty. The oid modesty was merely a desire to conceal ugliness, A beautiful girl in a white bathing dress came out of the water at Palm Beach and advanced over the sand to her mother. “Dear me! the mother whispered. ‘You shouldn't have got white, darling. That suit is almost transparent!" The girl smiled calmly “Don't she said. ‘I’m not deformed. Statesman Put It On His Own Hand—Patic: nce You're en) 1 to Fred, aren't you? Patrice—Yes; but I'm not happy. “What's wrong?” I'm afraid he’s selfish.” “Why s “He asked me for my hand and I gave it to hin Of cours “Well, it wasn’t until I had given my hand to him that he put a diamond ring on my finger.” “Of course not. show selfishness?” Why, it his hand, wasn’t it? Yonkers Statesman, Noise Like a Man—A South man, starting to work the other m ing. happened to think of something he forgotten, and returned to the to get it. While walking about the kitchen the man heard a great racket up. stairs. Considerably alarmed he called: “What in the world is the matter, May, has anything happened?” There was a moment's silence, then the wife replied : But how does that “Yes, who did y “[ heard some one walking about down there and I thought it was a burg- lar.” “But the noise was making a lot of noise so he would think there was a man in the house."—Vouxgstown Telegram The Appeal to Reason “Electrices, trop longtemps Thomme a abusé de votre beauté et de vos charmes . . . vous n‘avez été trop long- temps pour Vhomme qu'un instrument de_ plaisir. “Voters, man has too long taken ad- vantage of your beauty -and your charms—too long he has treated you but as toy ournal Amusant (Paris) No Time to Lose ohn, there's talk of putting tobacco out of business.” “That's what you s: “Well, what do you want me to do “Hurry up and get enough coupons for that pink plush sofa.’"—Detroit Free Press. The Brute—The other day a woman entered the office of Lou Guernsey asked him to be her lawyer in a divorce case. She said she had been married only a day d only a day, and you want a gasped Guernsey incredu- ” insisted the woman, and ex “When my husband came home from the office 1 was crying. He asked me why and I s. “‘Oh, John, I baked a lovely cake and put it out on the porch for the frosting to dry, and the dog ate it. And John said, ‘Don't cry. know a man who will dog. "—Los Angele 15 How Did He Do It?—She—Why are you looking so thoughtful, my dear? He—I was wondering how Jonah got away with it when his wife asked him where he had been, away from home all that time, and he told her a whale had swallowed him.—Baltimore American. Indisputable Proof—A druggist was boasting in the company of his friends his well-assort stock in trade. There isn’t a drug missing,” he said; “not even of the most uncommon sort.” me now,” said one of the by- standers, by way of a joke, “I'm sure ad keep. spirits. of contradic- n, as well stocked as you are.” “Why not?” said the druggist, not in the least embarrassed. “You shall see for yourself saying, he left the room and returned leading his wife by the hand.—/Pittsburgh Chroni- Telegraph. Maybe Not » you have been married before?” “Yes.” “What will your first husband say in the hereafter when he sees you with your second?” “Oh, it’s hardly probable that we will all meet in the same place.’ lorida Times-Union. Cutting Of Luxuries— {hear Dubson is taking matrimony ser- There can be little doubt of that.” “On the eve of his wedding day he parted from his tailor in. tears, closed up his account with icab company, and bade farewell. to. his favorite waiter."—Birmingham Age-Herald. Backed Out — Prospecti Br groom (in furniture shop)—These prices make me give up all thought of marriage. I now realize it'll be ch a4 to let her sue me for breach of prom- —Edinburgh Scotsman