Judge — October 18, 1919 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COHAN & HARRIS EAT itu Werk S085 “BEST MUSICAL PLAY SINCE THE MERRY WIDOW" The Royal Vagabond ORIGINAL CAST E, id St..W. of Brdwy. REPUBLIC (reread. Men Wed. 8 Sac 230 A. H. WOODS Presents A Voice in the Dark With ORIGINAL CAST Happy Days For EVERYONE! WARY bay °** HIPPODROME HAPPY PRICES. Seats 8 weeks ahead On Managing a Wife NE hears a lot of nonsense about the dif- ficulty of managing a wife. In reality it is ridiculousy easy. By carefully observing the following rules anyone can manage even the most unreasonable woman. 1. Put her in a handsome house in the most exclusive street of the town where you live. 2. Maintain a country house, automobiles ete, Give her at least six servants. 4. Open accounts for her at the best shops in the city. 5. Never complain about a bill. 6. Allow her at least five thousand dollars pin money, 7. Let her family sponge on you as much as they like. 8. Never compliment another woman. 9. Let her have her way in everything. Indoor Sports for the Coming Winter By Exmunp J. Keirer Wrestling with the furnace, Fishing coals out of the sieve. Camping around the radiator. A Poetical Shimme Hunting steamer rugs. Diving between the sheets. Flying to the bathroom. Dining Car Forward By Fatrrax D. Downey Nine Stanzas Thro: To Cars ST call for dinner— Rise from your seat Sink back gracefully— Then repeat. Start for the diner— Right and left sway. Meet fat lady in the One step forward, Then two steps back— Shove her in the wash room. All clear track, Train starts to lurching— Down on all fours. Sce funny names on the Vestibule doors. Meet hungry fellow He says. “Hey! Going to the dining car? T'other way!” Reverse your engines Feeling pr See the silly people you Saw before. Trip over baby— Land on your ear. Smell chops a-burning— Diner's near. Dodge past a waiter— Train takes a loop Put steadyin Someone's sou 30 JUDGE Sit next to lady Whose husband has gone— Order an oyster cocktail— Party’s on! Kelly-Wise By Ex-Reo, Sor. May. Lee S, Hesev “One of our muleskinners had drawn a French horse, which was not used to one word of English, especially such English as our mule skinners used. After getting the horse, he tried to lead it off to the stable. It would not budge. “He tugged, jerked and cursed it. All to no 4 avail. “Finally he said: ‘Hey, Roy, come help turn this darn thing over on its back. I think , it will slide easier than it will pull. ’” He Made a Sale “I have yere “I don't want no ‘Lives of the poets.’ ” o ‘Home Hints for Helpless Highbrows.’” “But——” “No ‘Compendium of Handy Wit an Humor.” “My dear sir—" c Last Words of Famous Fops.’” issen a minute, will you?” “Well?” “I'm selling a book telling how to make real stuff with a real kick.” Then he was invited in.