Judge — October 18, 1919 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Vi Tue First Stock Excnance —N. Y, University Cap and Bells Educational Reverses I was never a star at the theatre door, Where I hadn't learned to hover. But a doubly distingué sophomore Who has always been ignorant heretofore, Such vital neighborhoods must explore And play the giddy lover. Selecting a maid in an opera corps, I wrote to say L was a Distinctly distinguished sophomore, And, enclosing an orchid? begged to implore A smile from her—and very much more; A meal at the Copley-Plaza, My lady (who'd ogled at me before) Perhaps disliked my letter And a doubly distingué sophomore Is apt to consider a show a bore When a stubborn actress tends to ignore The embryo coquetter. However, I stepped to the actor's door, While my nervous blush grew redder. Though a doubly distingué sophomore, My sufferings suffered a sad encore When off a horrible actor bore My queen—to the Georgian led her. Misguided maiden, I stooped to implore, My sulking heart rejects her! Irresponsible To a double distingué sophomore W was very much ha Remember the wound And the gash in the self-respect, sir! —Harvard Lampoon Retrospection got to thinking what the dickens I When I had ‘made my name and laid away my millions too, If on my knee, my sonny he should say, “Now tell me, Pop, Between us two, did yc Tech? What made you stop? Now you can bet that theoret will be the bitter blot On my career at Tech up here, the gory Gordian get through at not But shall I tell him what befell in all its dread detail? Or shall I veil the woeful tale and send the boy to Yale? —Mass. Tech. Voo Doo. fa Real} Wuere a Goop Man Atways Takes « Back Seat —Columbia Jester. y—Uh-huh. He Said Once said a spotted gira’ Pop-eyed nd a half, My only delight is To have tonsilitis, But it hurts me like h—1_when I laugh.” —California Pelican Don't! You may call a man a rounder, He will smile, and laugh it off; You may say that he’s a plodder, He will grin, and loudly scoff; You may launch a stream of Accusations at him without end; But, don’t ask him if he voted dry, Or you'll be out a friend. —Vale Record. Preference? He left her on the U Club steps, And straightway started home. He didn’t hang around a bit, He had the chaperone. —Penn State Froth, Blocking Traffic Each time I try to dance with Mary, Something she wears gets quite contrary. 1 wondered what and why it was. But now I’m wise—'course it does. —Purple Cow.