Judge — September 27, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—— Fo Gon ae 4 mer—Waitress, | don’t want my bread buttered on both sides. —But it isn’t ‘Then which side is Were They Worth It?—When mother went into the kitchen she found six-year- old Arthur standing before the table with his eyes fixed thoughtfully on a dish of jam tarts “What are you doing here?" she asked. ¥ “T was just thinking, mother,” replied the youngster. “Thinking? I hope touched those tarts.”” “That's what I was thinking about,” came the truthful answer. ‘I was think- ing whether they were good enough to be whipped for?” — Philadelphia North American. you haven't Discovered—Harold, ged nine, came home the other day in a condition such as to cause perturbation to his mother. “Good gracious!” exclaimed _ his mother. ‘How on earth, Harold, did you manage to get your clothes so frightfully torn?” Harold assumed a very virtuous air. “T tried to save a little boy from get- ting licked,” he explained. “That was good of you, darling,” re- sponded his fond parent. “Who was the little boy?” “Me.”—Boston Post. d?—London Opinion. The Boy's Idea—Howard had not had his breakfast one morning when his grandfather drove up in his car. Howard wanted very much to go along, but his mother said, “But you haven't had your breakfast yet, and grandpa doesn’t want to wait.” Howard studied a moment and then replied, “Well, if I was a grandpa and had a little boy, I'd say, ‘Go on and eat your breakfast and I'll wait for you.’”— Pittsburg Post. Unconquered ‘'acompanyo amb el sentiment, senor ger- o hi ha de qué, noia. Fins ara he fet negoci amb Alemanya; d'ara endavant penso fer comerg amb els alemanys!” Peace—Well, Mr. Germanophil, so you Germanophit—Not at all. During the war I made propaganda for the Germans and now I shall do business with them.— Exsquella (Barcelona). 20 The Final Test—“I thought you said this bathing suit was in fast colors,” said Binks, indignantly, to the hosier of whom he had bought his suit that morning. “Yes, sir, that’s what I said,” returned the hosier. “Well, every wretched stripe on the thing has come off on my back,” retorted Binks. “Ah, but wait until you try to get 'em off your back,” smiled the hosie1 ely. “Then you'll see.”—London Tit-Bits. His Reminder—Conductor—Do you mind if I put your bag out of the sir? People coming in are falling over it. Traveller—Y ou leave it where it is. If nobody falls over it I shall forget it’s there!—Toronto Saturday Night. Getting Down to Details— Now,” said the instructor in the school of an- archy, will proceed with our dancing lesson: “What's that for?” inquired the pupil “To give you accurate command of your feet, so that you won't stumble when carrying a suitcase full of TNT.” —Washington Star. The Fatal Flaw The Germans,” said Senator Williams, “frankly pursued for 40 years a policy that had a fatal flaw in it. “The Germans were like the chap who said in a sanctimonious tone one evening to his wife: “*How happy I am this evening, I have been done three good deeds “What were they?’ said his wife. “*On the way to business,’ said he, ‘I saw a young woman weeping on a church step with a baby on her knee. I asked her what the trouble was and she said that she had walked seven miles to have her baby christened, and now found that she had lost her money on the way. “*T told her to cheer up, handed her a $5 bill, and bade her have the child christened and bring me the change. She did so—she did so gratefully—and thus, dear, I did three good deeds. I performed, first, an act of charity started, second, a little child in the way it should go, and I got, third, four good dollars for a bad five-spot.’ "—Washing- ton Star.