Judge — September 20, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Old Actor—V'm afraid I'm past playing the hero; but it's something to know that I shall have a star part as the villain—Punch, London. WET AND ic Drat Him—“Pa, what is a hang ree “That's a colloquialism, son.” “Yes, sir?” “ And it is often applied to the man who goes around telling what a fine mint julep he could make if he only had the ingredients.”—Birmingham Age-Herald “crepe Past Associations—“What do you keep the old mule around for? He's no good. “I know, but he’s the only thing around the place now with a kick in it.” Baltimore American. A New Tipple—While waiting to hear whether Germany will sign the treaty of peace, Porto Ricans are passing the time away by consuming large quantities of hair tonic. The tariff is 15 cents a drink.—Birmingham Age-Herald. Sure Death—A notorious tightwad being on trial for selling liquor, his lawyer making a strong plea for probation. y client is not in the best physical condition, your honor, and imprisonment might kill him.” ell. 1 don’t necessarily have to send jail,” said the judge in a kindly True, your honor, true.” “TI could instead fine him a thousand dollars.” “Oh, your honor, that would kill him.” —Kansas City Journal. 2 Some keep coins and some keep stamps: People seck all sorts of thin, Jane takes lessons from the vamps: She collects engagement-rings! Town Topics The Baby, the Bunny and the Pro- phylactic Pup The antiseptic baby and the prophy- lactic pup Were playing in the garden when the bunny gamboled up; They looked upon the creature with loathing undisguised, For he wasn’t disinfected and he wasn't sterilized; They said he was a microbe and a hot- bed of disease; They steamed him in a vapor of a thou- sand-odd degrees; They froze him in a freezer that was cold as vanished hope. They washed him with permanganate and carbolated soap; With sulphuretted hydrogen they bathed his wiggly ears; They trimmed his frisky whiskers with a pair of hard-boiled shears; Then they donned their rubber mittens. and they took him by the hand And elected him a member of the fumi- gated band. Now there’s not a micrococcus in the garden where they play. And they bathe in pure iodoform a dozen times a day, Taking each his daily ration from a hygienic cup— The baby and the bunny and the pro- phylactic pup. —Maj. R. S. McKenzie, Surgeon, in the Watch On the Rhine, A. E. Luxury The Eskimo can’t read or write. His table ways are not polite. Yet favored he appears to be Beyond the likes of you and me; For when he wants a piece of ice He does not stop to ask the price; He does not have to wait at all, But chops it from'the parlor wall. —Washington Star.