Judge — September 13, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Perhaps He Selected Lena Suitor—I have come to woo one of your daughters Butcher—Yes! His Excuse—Our little boy was sent to the store by his mother for a half dozen eggs and some sugar, rel: contributor to the Chicago Tribune. When he returned his mother discovered he had brought the sugar, but instead of the eggs he had bought lemons. She asked, “Didn't I tell you to bring eggs and sugar?” “Yes, you did, mother,” answered the little fellow, “but I was afraid the eggs would break, so I got some lemon: Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. A Giveaway—Bobby, aged six, an- swered the door when his big sister’s new beau called “Where's your sister?” he was asked. “Upstairs putting herself on,” was Bobby’s rather startling answer.— Boston Transcript. Wrong Recipe—Lucile was visiting auntie in the country. It was the joy of the 4-year-old to hunt for eggs in the barn. One day she brought in a very small one, presumably laid by a ban- tam, “Auntie,” said the little maid, showing it, “the hen that laid this egg didn’t have the right recipe.”"—Terra Haute Tribune. Fat or lean?—Raonen (Copenkagen.) Futures—“When I grow up,” said clever little Uriah Umson, “I’m a gonna write a book, and if you're real good I'll put you in it.” “And if I'm bad?” queried Aloysius Amley, defiantly. “Then I'll build a jail and put you in that."—Youngstown Telegram. The Survivor—Little Marie was sit- ting on her grandfather's knee one da and after looking at him intently for a time she said: “Grandpa, were you in the ark?” —London Blighty. Fair Warning yer fool, or Inebriated Person—G j ydney Bulletin. Vil (hic) drive over yer! 2 Perceptible Speech—Ephum John- son was up before Judge Shimmerplate on a cruelty to animals charge “*Deed Ah wasn’t abusing dat mule, Judge,” the old man demurred. “Did you not strike it repeatedly with a club?” “Yassah.”” “And do you know that accomplish more with animals ing to them?” “Yassah; but this critter am different. He am so deef he can’t hear me when Ah speaks to him in de usual way, so Ah has to cummunicate wid him in de sign languag Charleston Mail, you can y speak- Uncle Rooster Scores—Edward M. Flesh of the United States Food Commis- sion was talking in St. Louis about snobbishness. “Snobbishness — penetrates —every- where,” he said. “It even penetrates our churches. “I know an old darkey who got re- ion last month and decided to join the richest and handsomest church in town, the church with the finest music and the best preaching. Then he callec on the pastor and stated his design. “But the pastor hemmed and hawed He felt that his fashionable flock wouldn't welcome such an addition as the old darkey. Hedidn’t want to hurt the old fel- low’s feelings, however, and finally he said: “*Go home, Uncle Rooster. Go home and pray over it. This is an important matter and should be made a subject of prayer.’ “Old Uncle Rooster went home, and in a few days he was back again “Well?” said the divine. what's the verdict now?’ Ah prayed an’ Ah prayed,’ said Uncle Rooster; ‘an’ de good Lawd He say to me: “Rooster, mah son, Ah wouldn't bother mah haid about that mattah no mo’. Ah've been a-tryin’ to git into dat chu'ch mahself for’ de last twenty-nine yeahs an’ Ah ain't had no luck, nuther.” Washington Star. ‘Well, What Suggested It—A certain colored gentleman in Mobile left a widower, in his old age. Not very long after he suddenly announced his intention to marry again, adding, half apologetically: But, mah friend, Ah never would have thought of it if mah Louisa hadn’t died!" —Harper’s Magazine.