Judge — September 13, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Chamois Shimmie Once a Lama and a Swami Saw a Chamois do the shimmie; *Twas a yama-yama Chamois, And she shook a wicked shimmie. “Oh, Lor’ lumme!” said the Swami And the Lama said: “Oh, mamma!” Then the Swami and the Lama Shouted: “Shimmie, Chamois, mie!” shim Soon the gay and gamy Chamois, With her dreamy, “show-me” shimmie, Got the nanny of the Swami, And he shouted, “Oh, Lor’ lumme, I'ma rummy, Lama, damme, But that Chamois, oh, that Chamois; Lor’ forgimme, oh, you shimmie; Show me, Chamois; shame me, Chamois; Shimmie, Chamois, do!! New York Tribune. Enlightening—A visitor to a school began an address as follows This morning, children, I propose to fer you an epitome of the life of St Paul. Perhaps some of you are too young to grasp the meaning of the word ‘epit- ome.’ ‘Epitome,’ children, is in its sig. nification synonymous with synopsis London Tit-Bits. American Pronunciation—A. E. Thomas, the playwright, at tho Authors’ league dinner, told this story: “IT met an English gentleman who said that he was very puzzled by Ameri- can methods of pronunciation “Now, look at the way you pronounce the name of your secretary of state,” said the Englishman. “Why, what’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘Why, you spell his name L-a-n- s-i-n-g.’ “*Ves, we do.’ “*And then why do you pronounce it House?’""—Minnea polis Tribune. Try This on Your Parrot—As_ the automobile party passed one coxner they saw a soldier on guard, a big white dog beside him, and then a beautiful Ameri- _can flag. Of course this combination attracted the attention of everyone in the car. The flag was silk, the dog ma jestic and the soldier proud of his trust. “Oh, look at that dog on guard!” exclaimed the woman. The little boy snickered audibly. All Anything to Oblige His Honor Judge—Do you wis Prisoner (ex-pugilist) old bloke in the corner.—Sydney Bulletin. were impressed with the solemnity of the scene, and this outbreak seemed to the father uncalled for. ‘What do you mean, Johnny?” he demanded. “Oh,” cried little Johnny, “mamma said, ‘Look at the dog-gone guard!’”” Indianapolis Nei laughing, Answered—‘Pa, what's a monosyl- lable?” “A long term for a short word, my son.”"—Lonisville Courier-Journal. The ‘‘Sunkers” The Miliary Hun—! did not get our navy. Dey shall not haf our Kaiser. The Naval Hun—Gott in Himmel!—you're not going to drown him, te 2 allenge any of the jury? yer Honor, I woul tt mind havin’ a round or two with that “POMES” Summer Joys Had I the gift to weave a tale In fragrant, flowery ve The glories of the summer sale In rhyme I would rehearse. I'd sing about the fancy shirts So cheap it seems a crime, The pretty waists and pretty skirts They offer for a dime. The bargain suits in models new (The price most tempts a scoff), The nobby “trousers cut in two,” The “underwear half off.” I love the kindly merchant men, Their summer sales are nice; But gee, I wish they'd pull them when I chance to have the price.” Akron Times. A Man's Way “ Made of something or other And trimmed with this and that,” Such is the way mere men essay To praise a woman’s hat. Oh, woman, pray forgive us, We know you for a pearl, So trim your hat with this and that, We only see the girl. —Louisville Courier-Journal.