Judge — August 2, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

D we by Hemwan Parwen JUDGE EDITORIALS Pres: Revoew P. Scercner, Secretary Ed Jj. A.W ALDRON, Joux A, Sretcier, Perrrron Maxwett. ixinG in Tue MarrimoniaL Market HAT is the market value of a wife? The question has been asked before. Jokesmiths and dramatists have juggled with it. But it has remained for a New York jury to solve the problem definitely and once for all. A wife’s value in dollars and cents is $150,000. That was the sum awarded to a man, for the alienation of his wife's affections. He was an ambitious person and asked for $250,000. The jury, however, thought that this quotation was above the prevailing market rate, despite the general boosting of the price of commodities. Perhaps the jury suspected profiteering. The case was not an unusual one except in the ver- dict rendered. A private in the army, the plaintiff lost his family ornament while away on military duty. The intervening villain was persistent and wealthy. The latter deposed, during the trial, that he had lav- ished much more than the $150,000, eventually awarded the husband, on the woman of his desire. It is difficult to understand upon what basis the lady’s alienated affections were valued. One might suppose that they were worth little or nothing. In assessing the value of his love at $250,000 the militant husband paid his faithless spouse a rather subtle com- pliment. The jury, however, differed with this financial viewpoint, maintaining that these rare and tender blooms of conjugality were quotable at something above half the husband’s estimate. One cannot help suspecting that the jury was composed of married men. Had the rich man in the case made off with the plain- tiff’s cook the astonishing Price the other day, Drown by G. B. Is Rabid Anti—D. Why, a drop of nicotin Incorrigible One—Wa wouldn't hurt me none. Art Director g Editor Hasitron, Mana Grant E. Lawron Mackatt, A OLLAUER, Treasurer n't you know that tobacco is deadl na dog's quart rd would have aroused no comment. But the in a sincere burst of sentiment, sought to save the soldier's future and his pocketbook by severing him from a too expensive incubus, and the poor and perfidious rich man got his just reward in a piece of property of doubtful future value; such wives might honestly be at fifteen cents apiece—two for a quarter. But out of the whole edifying transaction one grasps the commanding fact that wives stolen by men with fat purses and lean morals are henceforth standardized at the fixed price of $150,000. The only point to remem- ber is that should you covet your neighbor's wife be sure that you have on deposit and ready to hand a cer- tified cheque for the established market figure for erring “better halfs.” rewa jury assessed JUDGELETS 1920—The apotheosis of Burleson. 1921—Dissolution of the Fermented Water Trust. 1922—Thanksgiving for the loss of personal liberty Abolition of mints. king in public prohibited. 1925 ~See-saw proclaimed the national game. 1926—A state of war be- tween Congress and the people. 1927—The soul immortal. * . . decreed There is only one way to enforce prohibition efficiently. Make the act of consuming alcohol a capital offense. Public penance and confes- sion for thinkingin terms of al- cohol. Paid breath-smellers. Surgical search of the human system for alcoholic calories. Why pike in this matter? . . . Incoming postmasters- general will hereafter have to distribute something else be sides males in the post-o pgue will kill him. it on a dog's tongue comicbooks.com