Judge — July 12, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“T Kxow Nor Wnere Tuey Gor tne cs Tuat Pew cp Me From Liv to Lees.” Vain Ambitions By Watt Mason Illustration by USED to think, when I was young, that I possessed a silver tongue. With eloquence I seemed endowed, and hoped some day to charm the crowd, and make old Judge De- mosthenes, and Bryan, look like musty cheese. At night I used to lie awake, and think of laurels I would rake. At last the chance I longed for came, the chance to gain undying fame. I faced an audience as yreat as ever greeted any skate; and I was primed with golden words, and arguments to charm the birds, but not a word could I recall, when I reared up in that long hall. I panted there in dire disgrace; I gurgled and | sprained my face; and then my friends came up and took my person to a babbling brook, the haunt of thirsty mule and cow, where I might soak my fevered brow. So one sweet vision fell in soup; so one ambition flew the coop. I used to think that my sweet voice, in song, should make the world rejoice. I knew Caruso and such men pulled down all kinds of shining yen, and I could sing as well, I knew, as any of their gifted crew. I knew that Melba would repine, McCormack would take in his The Limit “Did you feel foolish?” “Worse than that. I felt like a man does when he is riding in an automobile being driven by a woman.” Charitable “Haven't you got one g “Ves. od thing to say about the movies?” ‘one isn't compelled to go to see Racen Barton sign, and Galli-Curci and that bunch would feel much like a ten cent lunch, if once they heard me rise and sing, and make the well-known welkin ring. “Just let me have one decent chance,” I used to say, “and I'll advance, until I reach, still going strong, the glowing pinnacles of son And then one night they called on me to sing a ballad of the sea. I stood before a mighty throng, and tried to spend my soul in song; but I was scared, my feet were cold; no strains majestic from me rolled, but | turned loose a feeble squawk, the sound of winding up a clock. I know not where they got the eggs that pelted me from lid to legs; I know not where, but much I fear they were not laid that current year; this much I know, and freely tell—the hens that laid them were not well. And so another lustrous dream went floating down the briny stream. We know of many ways to win undying fame, when we begin; but, trying them, they lose their charms; the most of them are false alarms. And if we reach the heights at all, when we arrive we can’t recall that ever, in our youthful day, we dreamed about the proper way. Interested The sorrowful-looking-one’s face suddenly lighted up. “1 wonder,” he mused, “what percentage there is in the Nectar of the Gods.” The Mirage “ How much salary would you like to earn?” “ About one-fifth of what my wife thinks I ought to.” comicbooks.com