Judge — June 21, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Opera vs. Orthography She—What did you go and get seats for “Madame Butterfly” for, when I told you I wanted particularly to hear “ Pagliacci’ He—Well, when I got to the box-office, I couldn't remember how to pronounce it!— Passi e (London). [ ’ | COURTING | ) Douse the Glim or Go—‘That young man stayed very late again, =dith.”” “Yes, papa; I was showing him my picture postcards.” “Well, the next time he wants to stay late, you show him some of my electric light bills.”"—Boston Transcript. In Dutch—“ Your father is unreason- able.” Why?” asked the dear girl. Tells me not to lose sight of my ob- ject in life and then kicks because I call seven nights a week."”—Louisville Cou- rier-Journal. Unsatisfied—She—What is the cor- rect translation of the motto of that ring you gave me? ithful to the last. She—The last! How horrid! And you've always told me before that I was the very _ first!—Minneapolis Tribune. I wish to be said the “Miss Simplicity loved for myself alone, heiress. “Highly commendable, my dear. But how could you conceal your iden- tity?” “Oh, I wish I could go somewhere and live simply under an assumed name, with just my maid and a single motor car, so nobody would suspect that my father was worth more than a million or two.” Birmingham Age-Herald. Kismet—Crimsonbeak—Why do ‘you always carry that same silver d lar? Yeast—Oh, that’s my lucky dollar. “T can’t see how it’s lucky; it never bought you anything yet?” “Perhaps not; but isn’t it lucky for me because you never borrowed it?”— Yonkers Statesman. Official Procedure w'il ne ceut plus de paperasses, lic: dones 1° Me classer tous ces papier L ricules: sre tomor- The ¢ row and he wants these papers cleared up— pector is comin, them according to ind second, attach in detail what "—Le Péle-Mile so you are first to class dates and subject matter, to each an abstract explai it is and then burn them all. (Paria) Easy Arithmetic—There need be but little trouble in figuring out one’s in- come tax. In the first place it may be worked out by algebra, astronomy, trig- onometry and syntax, and then your an- swer may be correct and it may not. If your income is $2,400 a year, and you have a diamond ring, and an automobile, and are married to a brunette girl 26 years old, you take the amount of your income and add your personal property, .subtract your street number, multiply 22 by your wife’s height and divide by your telephone number. If you have a child in the family, you subtract $200 from your income, add the amount of your personal property, multiply by your waist measure, subtract the size of your collar and your child’s age, multiply by the amount you have given the church dunng the year, and divide by the num- ber on your automobile license tag. If there is a second child you deduct $400.00 from your income, add the weight and age of each child, divide by the date of your birth, multiply by the size of your hat, and subtract the weight of your mother-in-law. After you get it all figured out you won't have to pay any taxes of any name or nature, for they will have you in the booby hatch and strapped down.— Wall Street Journal. enius— ‘Are you an expert accoun- tant “Yes, sir,” said the applicant. “Your written references seem to be all right, but tell me more about your- self.” “Well, my wife kept a household budget for thirty days. One night after dinner I sat down and in less than half an hour found out how much we owed our grocer.” “Hang up your hat and coat. The job is yours.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. The Unguarded Moment Timms—They tell me that Sokeleigh has signed the pledge. Tomms—Yes. He was eober at the tin and didn’t know what he was domg.—Svdney- Bulletin. comicbooks.com