Judge — May 31, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

He Ought to Know HM etd] | j aman? Oh, Doctor, imagine you ask TOUGH-HIDES Pledged to Uplift—"Do you mean to say,” said Wemys, “that you have never discovered a redeeming feature in an habitual criminal?” “Ves, [ did once,” admitted Briggs. “Ah, J knew it!" cried Wemys, tri umphantly. “No one is all bad. What was it? Love of home? Kindness to ani mals? Love of children?” “No,” came the uncompromising reply; “it was a pawnticket.”"—London Tit-Bits. The Butcher's Hint—"I want a piece of meat without any bone, fat or gristle.” ve'd better buy an egg, mum.” Philadelphia Evening Bulletin The’ Putorius Foetidus Quits—A somewhat typical Boche was brought nto a prison camp in France in which an Englishman and an American were on duty. One day a skunk sneaked into the camp and entered a small building. The American bet the Englishman $1 that he could not remain in the building ten minutes with the skunk. The bet was taken and the Englishman went in. In six minutes he came out. The American was challenged to enter on the same like that.” terms. He went in and came out in five minutes. The Boche, who had witnessed the defeat of the Englishman and the American, offered to bet that he could re main inside with the skunk for ten-min utes. His bet was taken and he disap: peared within. In exactly one minute the skunk came out.—Journal of the Ameri can Medical Association. The After-Glow Discharged Soldier—Ah, how good it is to at my own hearth again.—Le Péle-Méle 20 DOCTORS The Shepherd—“ Did you try the sim ple plan of counting sheep for your in somnia?" “Yes, Doctor, but I made a mess of it. T counted sheep, put ‘em on the train, and shipped ‘em to market. And when I'd got through counting the money I got for them at present prices it was time to get up."—Farm and Home Line on Him— Mrs. Styles wn to see the doctor Gettin I've been Mr, Styles— And he asked to sce your tongue “No, he didn’t.” “Well, sked if you had cold feet.” “No, he didn Well, then, he asked if you had pains in your back, and headaches.” “No, he didn’t. “Well, what in thunder, then, did he ask you? “He wanted to know what your in- Yonkers Statesman. come was!" Prescribed Error—‘What isthemean- ing of ‘false doctrine,’ Willie?” asked the Sunday-school teacher “It’s when the doctor gives the wrong stuff to a sick man,” replied Willie Pearson's Weekly. Bright Outlook—“Did the doctor seem encouraged about your condition?” “Ve aid Mr. Grabcoin. “Ihave an idea he thinks I'm going to be one of the most profitable patients he ever had.” Birmingham Age-Herald. The Right Tonic— Patron—Can you tell me what ails my wife? Doctor—She does not take enough out- door exercise. s not feel like it she needs toning up.” “What do you prescribe?” “A new hat.” —New Orleans Times. As Man to Man—“ Doctor, I want to discuss a matter with you, but not in your professional capacity.” “I'm listening. “It's about my liver.” “As a practicing physician I can’t dis- cuss your liver except in my professional capacity.” “Hang it all, doctor! I don’t mind paying you a fee, but I'd like to know what you would do for my liver if it were yours.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. comicbooks.com