Judge — May 24, 1919 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bringing home Drawn by Straue Har This Week's Best Service Joke Loot for The Looney By Seact, L. BE. Wantuwan, A. EF, HUGE el s formed part of @ Gern hold ration in one of the Bridgehea On New Year's Eve a private had “frater- nized” to the extent of several schnapps and was ealking toccard his billet when he came upon a small group of Germans. *Nob-e tric ere the buck genially. ered the admiring Germans, looking The buck looked up. “Ja wohl.” He straightened himself and charged foriard. “She's erste classe y MP. 100 ring Burgomeister usenir hunter to his bunk am, 113th FLA ECOND LIEUTENANT—The first sin of commission, Captain—The whole cheese in any battery or company, who wears two silver bars and a chip on his shoulder. He also wears two coils of braid- ing on his sleeve, and at least three of upbraiding up his sleeve. He only be cussed by the Major, the Colonel, the Lieutenant Colonel and the other officers in ascending power—the honor ceasing with the General. Band Leader—The bravest man in a regiment, being the only man on the battlefield, other than the enemy, who has to face the music. Regimental Musician—A steam-fitter or boiler maker in military garb. Mess Hall—The place in which, three times a day, we live and move and have our beans. Mess Call—An atmospheric discord blown by a “wind-jammer” to keep the wolf away from the Mess Hall Mess Sergeant—The survival of the fattest trick Henry coukin’t have held this job 30 days it was he who exclaimed, “ Peas, peas, men may Wasn't it the Fr. cry peas, but there is no peas.” prophetic tongue of Daniel Webster which said “In times of war prepare for peas?” First Call—Five-thirty a. m., when you cuss the bugler, who blew “it,” and then begin scram. bling around in the dark in an attempt to put on in the moming what you put off at night Pay Day—The day on which the enlisted man feels like the 30 cents he has drawn after his allot ments, insurance, premium, canteen and Liberty Loan fees have been deducted. He is proud of his 30 cents, but he hates to be warned each pay day by the Chaplain not to squander his money on wine, women and song. Band Rehearsal—The tin housewives in the neighbe » of day when the g villages on the the mascots outskirts of the camp begin to lower their win- dows. (See Steam-Fitter and Boiler-Maker.) Company Quartet-—A tipsy tenor, a brandy bass, a boozie baritone, and a cascade contralto, who keep you awake the night after you walked guard the night before. Fatigue—Compulsory odd jobs _ performed about the camp at rest periods, during which time you are sometimes thoroughly convinced that “rolling stones is not like gathering moss” nor shoveling clay as “easy as dirt.” Field Shoe—The army brogan—« accented on the “brogu Undesirable Passengers B105th Ammunition Tr. AEF. Every time I get to scratching, oh man! I get to balling old man Noah and his scow For if he hadn't toted cooties ‘round then I wouldn’t be a totin’ ’em ‘round now Looking For a Hand-Out By Pvr. Bane Metres, 19th Co., HA. P., U.S. MCW. The Second Lieutenant who just got his bar Came from the store with a great big cigar, Tickled to death over wearing his boots, And walking the street just to get the salutes. = Drawn by ER JUDGE False Faces By Wri Res Buses, US. A \ colored soldier just returned from Fri secured a position as a porter in the station Vittsburgh, Pa. One afternoon a Southern negress, who had bought a ticket for a train leaving at 3.30, seeing that the clock at one end of the sta tion was at 4.20 and the clock at the other end Was al 3.20, was very perplexed and hustling over to the porter who was carrying a man’s suitcase toward the gate she asked why the clocks were different and which she was to go by. The porter, in a great hurry, exclaimed: ook here, nigger, I ain’t got no time to go into the fun-a-men-als of this here thing, but no ma ter what them clocks say, your train leaves hy-arr at 3.30." q Drawn by G.T, Hawrwax, CU, WN. Yes, I made this rating during the last trip. knc How d interesting—I didn’t you em- The Difference Ry Boorse Loom Wurre, \ colored soldier was asked by a very inter ested old lady if he got thirty a month as the other soldiers did. The c. s., who happened to be ina guard com pany, said: “Well, lady, when we is not on guard we gets one dollah a day, but when weison guard \« only gets fifty cents a day and fifty cents a night The Limit of Endurance By W. L. lerrestarz, UL 8. A Little Virginia and Bobby were playing in the yard with their whirligigs when the wind sud denly dying out, caused the whirligigs to stop Virginia—Bobby, stand on the fence and God will make the wind blow your whirligigs. Bobby (after standing on the fence with his e feet until the wire cut)—Sister, if Dod tinks goin’ t’ stand here all day, he’s mistaken A Misfit Ry Nace, JL. Waa 0. S.A The “mess” had not been what the men had been used to at home. One day on a hike a “candida cating green persimmons by the C. O., who said in his most sarcastic voice, “Smith, we have? mess at noon today as usual.” Private Smith saluted stifily. “Yes, sir, L was just trying to draw my stomach up to fit it.” ” was seen comicbooks.com