Judge — May 17, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COURTING His Seriousness—IV'il/y—What docs she think so funny about his lovemaking anyhow? Sally—The serious way he goes about it, L think.—Town Topics Proof—“I think she loves me.” the young doctor. see she lets you hold her hand.” Yes, and when I do her pulse seems Kansas City considerably accelerated.”* Journal, Slow Charles—They were walking under a very little umbrella, he was mod and she est and seemed to be nervous finally remarked softly: “Charlie carry the umbrella if you'll let me.” “Oh, no, I can carry it.” Yes, Chai but, you see, your arm takes up so much room that one side of me is out in the wet.” “I know, dear, but what will Ido with my arm? Won't it be in the way all the same? “T don't know, Charlie. Tom Clark always knows what to do with his arm when he is under an umbrella with Mary MartM, because Mary told me so.””—St. Paul Dispatch. Killing Time—“ What's wrong, Ethel- bert?” asked the young lady as he gave her a parting squeeze. “Have you broken any cigars?” “No, I think it’s the crystal of my watch.""—Kansas City Journal. Force of Habit Mother Knew—.ldu/t Son—Mother, does a girl mean to encourage or discour age a man when she Mother—My son, there is no need of going into details, When a girl starts out cither to encourage or discourage a man, the man never has any doubt about what she means.— Philadelphia Bulletin, Studying the Expense—/alicice They tell me he proposed marriage to Peggy by telephone utrice—Yes, he did. He said it was cheaper “How so?” “The telephone message only cost him ten cents. If he had gone in person it would have cost him a one-dollar box of candy.""—Youkers Statesman Our Misleading Idioms ‘Mother, come and look at Aleck! x M4 Yh, } J yy Oe tak tia at 1 Whad, He’s up to his ankles in th TOUGH-HIDES An Alibi—" About a year ago you pre dicted that the world would come to an end in twelve months.” “You saw that in the newspapers, no doubt,” replied the celebrated sooth- sayer. I did.” “It was a typographical error, I said the world war.” —St. Louis Republic Difficult Conservatism—"I believe in letting well enough alone.” “Yes,” replied Cactus Joe; “but the fellow who invariably wants to quit the game when be’s a winner always gets to he unpopular.""—Washkington Star “A little man was just unch Sharp Words about to sit down on a stool in a room when a large man pushed him and took the seat.”” “What did the little man do?” p all intents and purposes he called the big man 4 “Dear me He said, *My counter were a trough you'd have both feet in it.’ —Birmingham Age-Herald. side friend, if this What is Inconvenience?—The tall bookkeeper wound about three yards of lower limb around the leg of the table remarked as he gazed off into and space: “T would like to know what some peo: ple’s idea of inconvenience is. For in stance, the other day a small child be longing to one of our neighbors knocked at our back door, “What can I do for you, little girl?” I asked “*Well,’ she said, ‘my papa says he hopes it won't inconvenience you any but he has sent our ice box downtown to have a new lining put in and he wants to know if you will lend us your refrigera- tor for three or four days until ours gets fixed.’ “Can Leader. you beat that?”—Pittsburgh Recovering—*“ What did I say when I was coming out from under the intlu- ence of ether?” You swore terribly.” “T guess that was a good sign, eh?” “Your surgeon seemed to think so. He said, ‘Wheel the old reprobate to his room and bring in the next victim.’ "— Birmingham Age-Herald.