Judge — May 10, 1919 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1S SSS eS —_-_~. Indignant By Pvt, Ha Tarton, U.S.A A. RED CROSS nurse stopped beside a soldier . who lay wounded on the battlefield “Tell me your name,” she said, “so I can tell your mothe The soldier raised his head indignantly, “ My mother fnows my name.’ That Gentle Voice By Pvt. Gronce A, Raven, U. 8. Debarkation Horpital, S A soldier was being transferred from a C. C. S. in France to a Base Hospital, in one of those Ford ambulances. Each jerk of the clutch caused the soldicr added pains. Although his head was near the driver’s seat he could not look around. As the car was twisted and jerked about trying to back up to the hospital entrance, the soldier shouted: “Say, what in h—— were you before you joined the army—a mule skinner or a cow puncher?” A sweet feminine voice answered: “Oh, I’m so sorry, but this is a new car and the clutches work so hard! The Bunco Steerer By Prr. Sat Puanea, 103nd Aero Squadron A pilot at sea was compelled to get his relief from a raw recruit who had never seen a steering wheel before. He was told to keep the ship going toward a certain star, but through his careless- ness the tide turned the ship completely around. On looking for the star he saw it was in the rear. The pilot on returning asked: “Well, how are you getting along?” “All right,” answered the sailor, “but give me another star. I've passed that one already.” The Keepsake +. Jous M, Steen, U.S. 4 by A Red Cross visitor was mak- ing his rounds of the soldier patients in a government recu- peration hospital when a colored soldier greeted him with: “S. boss, what is they keeping me here in this hos- pital for—a souvenir?” Convenient By J. F. Romtxsox, Ph, 2 C1, UL 8.8. Mickigan Rookie (looking at port hole) —What are those funny little round windows for? Old Salt—Oh, when the ship sinks we open them and let the water run out. Drawn by This Week's Best Service Joke His Metallic Petition By Per. Wea Weoe, O84 Vo M explosio Panning J. Pluvius act Axwri Jones, «1. B. P., France It’s great to hear the gentle patter Come pounding on the roof and splatter And trickle through those many cracks Our stable boasts—and down our backs The raindrops run Gosh, ain’t soldierin’ heaps 0’ fun? And have you noticed all those showers Let up with the morning hours. Though it’s raining heavily It stops at five—for reveille, And also drill. Gosh, this weather’s queer You tell 'em. eh, Bill? Hush Money By Pvt. A. Davionos, A. EB. P., France Buck—S-sh! Don’t tell the top and I'll give you some hush money Corporal—What's hush money? Buck—It’s something you get for kee; rant. Corporal—Oh, 1 see Just like the top's sal ry 8. ML C., Brooklyn Noval Hospital Hemet Impressions ng. igno- for you wrought How About a Dry War? hig Cour, Wosuam P. Sueawas, Med. Corps, A. BF Y, what have they decided about the new war? Has anything been done in regard te the location? I’m not particularly interested in who's going to do the scrapping for I figure I'll be able to line up with the if-I-was-your-age cl when it does break out and they drag Uncle misfit a garden long hor into it, but for the sake of the 21-to-31 gang Cor steps ought to be taken to have it put on in so! 4 dry country—say Africa, where the Sahar: My Desert could be utilized to the satisfaction and comfort of all concerned. When the Peace Con- ference is all through and this Internati League of Nations is formed, one of the stipula- tions should be that the scene of the next war shall be laid in some section where it’s not so muddy under foot nor so wet overhead. If it hadn't been that the most successful war of the ages had been fought in France, I'd say that this country was impossible, considered as a battle field. What the natives cheerfully refer to as j *‘bocoo boo ”’—m lots of mud of an annoyance than 2 cause for rejoicing. Any soldier who has slogged around in it, pulled guns out of it, pushed trucks through it, eaten it, slept in it, and cursed it with all the vehemence of 2 soldier who feels that way about it, will bear me out in that. The yellow you see on the map with France printed over it is really yellow mud How ¢ heac chat phonogr | hate, The poc all my hours, n Isay, aman b: a wearit whiskers trees, m I've been over here just 277 days, on 278 of which Con it rained. So you can see it’s a poor place for ma enjoying a war, So I say, while they’re arranging a secure and permanent peace for the whole world, German included, let them have some good regiment of American engineers go down to Sahara. and lay out a battle ring for pugnacious countrics to stage their bouts in. Then. when a couple of nations feel themselves itching for a fight compel them to put it « there under the supervision. such of the League, with officialfind o'er acceptable to the opposing ay tl sides and reasonable rules tel intil he’ govern. Nobody’s been able cabbage- to grow anything in the Sahars nor to utilize it for anything Gadzook drous be they’re lumb d: else, so why not? And be- The pic sides, there’s no mud there. e Ls Everything else is going! | dry, so why not dry wars’ The soldier vote is in favor of the motion.