Judge — May 10, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Then It Happened—" Why is a cry ing baby in a theatre like a good sugges. tion?” asked the Rummy, as he stirred his highball “Well, I'll bite,” said the Barkeep, as he grabbed an empty bottle. “Why?” “Because it should be carried out,” replied the Rummy, as he headed for the door.—Washington Times No Danger— Much sobered by the im- portance of the news he had to communi- cate, youthful Thomas strode into the house and said breathlessly: fother, they have a new baby next door, and the lady over there is awful sick. Mother, you ought to go right in and see her.”” “Yes, dear,” said his mother, “I will go over in a day or two just as soon as she gets better.” “But, mother,” persisted Thomas, “1 think you ought to go in right awa is real sick and maybe you can do some thing to help.” “Yes, dear,”’ said the mother patiently, “but wait a day or so until she is just a little bette: ‘Thomas seemed much dissatisfied at his mother’s apparent lack of neigh- borly interest, and then something seemed to dawn upon him, for he blurted out: fother, you needn’t be afraid— ain't catching.” —Journal of the Ameri can Medical Association. His Job—" What position do you o cupy in the matrimonial firm! | Mana- “No; she’s that. 1 was the cash boy, Lut since the baby came, [am only the tloorwalker.”’— Baltimore American. Incipient Financier—Littl ing her parents weighing the new baby, inquired what they were doing that for, and her father, in fun, said that Uncle Bob had taken a fancy to baby and wanted to buy him at a dollar an ounce. “You're not going to sell him, are you, papa?” she asked Of course not,” he answered, proud to see that his little girl loved her brother No. Keep him until he gets bigger,” Elsie went on, “he'll fetch more money then."”—Boston Transcript. Well, Mebbe So—I Dunno They tell me these here Fourteen Poi Will pacify the war-like joints, ‘That there won't be no war no more An’ no more gas an’ guns an’ gore An’ all the pugilistic hicks Will put away their knives and bricks Well, mebbe so, I dunno, hey tell me that this here, now, League Will put an end to all intrigue, That all the birds on land an’ sea Will in thcir little nests agree, An’ ’stead of treating others rough Will bill an’ coo, an’ all that stuff, Well, mebbe so, dunno. The Bolshevik, I’m told by some Is not so altogether rum, An’ others say the geck’s a curse While still more say he ain’t so worse An’ some say this, and some say that Do all these guys know where they’re at? Well, mebbe so, I dunno. “It is the war” they told us guys When all the prices hit the skies, An’ now when prices still incre: These eggs retort “It is the pe: Some cry “Supply"—some yell mand,” They say we boobs can’t understand, Well, mebbe so, 1 dunno. (From “The Slams of Life,” Chicago Tribune, March 10, 1919. Copy- righted, 1919, J. P. McEvoy.) Hard Luck—With no city water, no electric light and a cat in our well, desola tion is at hand.— Milan Standard. But He Can‘t Scare ‘Em! The League of Nations—Eater the New Member—Daily Express (London). comicbooks.com