Judge — May 10, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i wy ————————— ET He Knew Her—AMrs. Figg—I really ought to go to that club meeting this afternoon, but I can’t get up enough en- ergy to start Figg—Won't it help you along if I tell you not to go?—Boston Transcript. As Man to Man—“ Your wife says you have her terrorized.” “ Honest, judge “T do not ask you this in my official capacity, but as man to man. Do you understand?” “Yes, your honor.” “What's your — secret?” Courier-Journal How She Remembered—Ier Friend Don’t you miss your husband very much, now that he is at the front? The Wife—Oh, no; at breakfast I just stand a newspaper up in front of a plate, and half the time I forget he isn’t there The Bystander Wanted a Change—Old Roxleigh You marry my daughter? Why, you are supported by your father! Suitor—Yes, sir, but my gov'nor is tired of supporting me, he says, and I ht I'd get into another family -Louisville The Russian Rumpus Explained the day that the lat ban on schnapps was 2 (Mu ) Fair Warning—“I'm going to get a divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me for six months.” “Better becareful. You'll never get an- other wife like that !""—Boston Transcript The Painful Part—* Jones doesn’t want his wife to go away.”” “Feels the separation, no doubt.” “Yes, from the necessary coin.”’— Boston Transcript. “To the Guns, Men!" —I should think that lady's battleship-grey dress would appeal to you al—Yes, especially as the upper deck is cleared for action.—London Mail. YAN K S Just Think!—Two American soldier boys from the Far West, who had been hurried to the coast and on beard ship in the darkness, were, the next morning. surveying with open-eyed wonder the boundless stretch of rolling blue around them. “Gee whiz, Jake,” said one, “who would have thought there could be so much water as that?” “T know it,” drawled the other. “And just think, Abe, you only see what's on the top!""—Catholic News. Mettle of the Pasture—A young sol dier while engaged in the desperate fight at Cantigny was found by some of his American pals at the conclusion of a par ticularly desperate fight squatting in the middle of a piece of grass-covered ground. He had a little pile of hand grenades at his side and there were several enemy dead on the outskirts of little green oasis. He had been fighting like a demon, single-handed. “What's the idea?” askeg the ser- geant, running up, “why stay here—it’s all over?” “See this grass?” was the answer, pointing to a lush patch that had been put to seed by French peasants, before their retreat in the face of falling shells. “I'm keeping it for a cow back of the lines that belongs to a family I'm billeted with. It’s the only pasture in forty miles." —.1naconda Standard. They'd Shake Anything—“I sup- pose you had to shake your own beds when you were at the front?” said the wife of the soldier just returned. 0, indeed,” replied the warrior. “The big guns attended to all that.”” Venkers Statesmen How it Happened—“ Pardon me,” said the army cook, for military chefs are prone to address their underlings court- y. “but I prithee tell me whe learned to peel potatoes so artistically? I observe that you do not cut off the cuticle in great hunks, as, alas, too many do, but loosen a bit of the skin of the tuber and then deftly strip it all off. You must have had much experience in ning e’er entering upon a soldier’s life?” “I did, thank you, sir,” replied the accomplished member of the kitchen police. “Before I decided to make the world safe for democracy I was a country banker.”"—Kansas City <