Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Reducing—“I don't cat as much as ldid. I'm reducing.” “You want to bring weight?” “No: my expenses.""—San Francisco Chronicle down your Toan Absent Friend—Solitary Diner (suddenly rising)—Ladies and Gentle- men, may I suggest to you all the good old toast, “Absent Friends,” coupled with the name of my waiter, whom I haven't seen for more than half-an-hour?”” —Passing Show. Affinity—We read that a hen has adopted a litter of pigs. A possible ex- planation of this is the natural intimacy between ham and eggs.—Charlotte News. The Necessary Warning—An adver- tisement in the Berlin Meggendorfer Blaet- fer reads: “Canary bird escaped. Return to Barbarossa Strasse 5 and receive rea- sonable reward. (Not edible.)” And this story also comes from Berlin, where profiles become exceedingly narrow: “Fish and potatoes were served at the restaurant, both in the singular number and the portion miserably small “ Nevertheless, my neighbor got a bone in his throat and attracted general atten- tion with his coughing and groaning. Some persons came to his help, suggest- ing that he swallow several pieces of dry bread or a few potatoes. “The wai n out and brought four big potatoes. The patient swallowed them one after another, poured in his glass of beer to keep them down, and then he felt better. “When he was about to leave I asked how he fel! “Oh, it's nothing, thank you,’ was the answer, ‘after pulling off the same trick in the next restaurant, I shall get enough.’ "—Journal of the American Med- ical Association Motherhood—She laid the still white form beside those that had gone before. No groan, no sigh burst from her. Sud- denly she let forth a cry that pierced the still night air, making it vibrate into a thousand echoes. It seemed as if it came from her very soul. Twice the cry was repeated, and then all was quite quiet again. She would lay another egg to- morrow.—Green Bag. The Cheerful Philosopher Pas frais? Pas frais? Ils sont encore vicants!" t pas une raison: cows n'étes pas morte, vous Stale! Why, they are still alive!” “That doesn't prove anything , a — i DOCTORS In a Country Practice—Two coun- try boys, twelve and fourteen years of age, walked into my office one morning and had no sooner closed the door, when one of them placed his hand over his ear, jumped around on one foot then on the other, swearing and exclaiming, “There he goes, there he goes,” and when I asked him what was the matter, he replied that he had a bug in his ear. Before 1 could examine him he re- A Popular Car of State—The Tiger Endurance, solidité, broie obs Endurance, folidity, overri stacles.—La Baionnette (Paris). you are not dead yourself." —Le Péle-Méle (Pari peated his contortions, exclaiming, “There he goes again, there he goes.” The bug was playing taps on his membrana tym- pani. I placed the boy before a window and with a concave mirror threw a bright ‘ht through the ear speculum. The bug saw the light and came forward, crawling ; out to the edge of the speculum, and 1 picked it off with my fingers. When I showed the boy the bug he said, “Thank God; how much is it?” I replied a dollar. The other boy who had been attentively watching the proceedings, exclaimed: “A dollar; well, that’s gall. You never took out that bug; he walked out his- self."—Journal of the American Medical «Association. Would Work It Out—Doctor—You owe me a bill of twenty-five dollars. Patient—Well, if 1 had a job I might pay you. Can't you give me a job? Doctor—What kind of a job could I give you? Patient—Well, you might give me a job collecting the bill. —Boston Transcript. The Wrong Line—The office tele- phone in a well-known surgeon’s office rang. The doctor himself answered the phone. A childish voice inquired, “Who is this?” The doctor recognized the voice of his seven-year-old boy. Although an exceedingly busy man, he is ever ready for a bit of fun, if the opportunity pe mits, and anticipating such at this time, replied, “This is the smartest man in the city.” The child mumbled for a moment and replied, “I beg your pardon, sir, it is the wrong number,” and hung up.— Indianapolis News.