Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PSS 2 aes POLITIC Delicate Topics—"* What r id that colleague of yours? le’s always trying to pick a quarrel with me,” complained Senator Sorghum: “TL never see him that he doesn’t ask me what I think of the League of Nations and the Monroe Doctrine.” —IWashington Star Among the Candidates It seems That among the candidates For office, Here in our city, There are a number who Served in the war, Whose pictures In the newspapers and on The cards that they Hand out, Show them in The suits they wore Over there, which is an Advantage, and it seems that some Of the opposing candidates, Who were not in the war, Are luckier than some Other opposing Candidates, who, also, were not, Because they have pictures Of themselves that were taken In the lodge Uniform. the —Detroit News. A Little Thing on the Side & ovcay (NT THs naar The Conundrum of the Casserole. stander (London). By- Never Again—“ Going to get out here to stretch your legs?” asked one man passenger of another as the through train drew into a station. “What place is this?” asked the man addressed “ Albany.” “No. I had one stretched here once.”* Yonkers Statesman. The Next Best Thing—“Get into public life, my boy.” Why, father? Do you think I would ever become President of the United Sta es? “Maybe not, but failing in that you might still get a lar; offer from a oving picture concern.” —Detroit Free Press The Shopkeeper “Ler baraquer Vilgrain? Je m'en ficke, “What? my Rodin!" La Victoire (Paris). Me live in the new model dwelling: tenant j'ai mon auto ct mon Rod Not likely! I now have my auto and YOUNGSTERS The Exact Terminology—The pro: prietor of a grocery store chanced to glance out the plate-glass window and saw a small boy lingering around a barrel of apples exhibited on the sidewalk. “Hey, there, boy!” exclaimed the groceryman, going to the door. “What are you doing?” “Nothing,” laconically answered the boy, with his eyes still fixed on the barrel. Nothing, eh?" doubtfully returned the man. “Aren't you trying to steal some of those apples?” “No, sir,” responded the youngster. “I'm trying not to.”—Rehkoboth Sunday Herald. Ultimatum—W illic was in bad tem- per. His mother had just discovered that there was not a clean nightshirt ready for him to wear. “Never mind, Willie,” she said, con- solingly. “You will have to put on one of your sister’s nightgowns tonight.” “What, a girl's?” snorted Willie, draw- ing himself up haughtily. “Yes. Why not?” asked mother, in surprise. I won't wear it!” declared the small “T rather go to bed raw!""—Chris- tian Messenger His Inference—Little Benjamin, ac companied by his governess, was out for his morning stroll, when they passed a street where a load of straw had been scattered in front of a house in which there had been a serious illness. “Miss Teachem, why have they scat- tered all this straw about here?” asked Benjamin. “Well,” replied the good lady, “a little baby came to Mrs. Jones last night.” My goodness,” exclaimed Benjamin, “but it was well packed.”—Times-Pica- yune. He Played ‘Em—"Can any boy tell me what harness ked the teacher. Not a single boy knew. “Well,” she continued, “is there any boy here whose father works among horses?” One small boy stood up and answered, “Yes, teacher, mine does.” “Well,”” said the teacher, “what does your father put on the horse every morn- ing?” “Please, teacher, every cent he has.”— Edinburgh Scotsman.