Judge — April 12, 1919 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

April 12, 1919 The Income Tax By Wart Mason HAVE just dug up my savings, pay- ing up the income tax; so excuse my frantic ravings, which disturbed you in your shacks. Oh, this is indeed a black age, and the times are punk and ill, when a man must blow his package, all because of Kaiser Bill. And the tax collector rambles over hill and over dale, saying ever, as he ambles, “Uncle Sam’l needs the kale.” To my door I saw him trundle, with his tab and fountain pen, and he touched me for my bundle, as he doubtless will again. Money that we need for taters, money that we need for jam, cigarettes and alli- gators, all must go to Uncle Sam. All because a bonehead kaiser sitting on a tinhorn throne, thought ‘twould be a whole lot wiser if the trump of war were blown. Then the dove of peace was fly- ing in the ether overhead; no one thought of bleeding, dying, or of painting coun- tries red. No one yearned for war’s ex- cursion save the kaiser on his throne; now we pay for his diversion with the treasured, hard-earned bone. And the tax collectors travel over hill and over glen, saying, as they scratch the gravel, “‘ Please cough up the iron men. Dig the doubloon and the kroner, dig the guilder and the franc; Uncle Sam, to cep his honor, must have boodle in the nk. Dig the kreutzer and the shilling, Jig the rouble and the groat; is there one unwilling to preserve his country’s who goat? And we all are digging money, paying up the income tax; some with smiles serene and sunny, some with spasms in their backs. And we all of us remember Bill’s to blame, and Bill alone; and we'd like to place an ember in the whiskers he has grown; and we'd like to get together in the misty Holland hills, each one with a tar and feather, to adorn that frame of Bill's. For the world was calm and happy ere he had his bughouse dream, chappic then communed with chappie, setting 1p the pink ice cream. Then a man could slow his dollars for a span of trotting yaks; now he digs it, while he hollers, paying up his income tax. Now the tax collectors teeter, auto- cratic, on the scene, saying, “For the love of Peter, pony up the good long green! Dig the pistole and piastre, dig the bawbee and the quid! Dig the ko- pecks faster, faster, prithee, than you ever did!” Mean “T don’t like Jim, but I’ve got to send him a wedding present. What do you suggest as a gift?” “When is he going to be marricd?” “In June. “Send him a set of champagne glasses.” You can expect perfection in the GEM Razor— and get it. Make your first shave a GEM shave and so long as you use the GEM, your hopes for easy, clean, quick, safe, shaving will be fully realized —millions of GEMS in use today—the friend of men of all ages, in all walks of life, for over 25 years. If the blade is right you are as- sured a good sha if it’s a GEM Blade you make assurance doubly sure—unmatched for keenness, smoothness, durability. $ 00 GEM rncludes frame, shaving and strop- The separate ce ping handles and seven Gem == Outfit Blades in handsome case as Complete illustrated, or in Khaki case for traveling. Gem Cutlery Company, Inc., New York Canadian Branch, $91 St. Catherine St, W., Montreal