Judge — March 29, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SHEW SHEFF T the end of “Tiger Rose’’ the old priest says to the semi-tamed girl of the wilds: “And will you go school, go to church, stop swearing and learn some- thing of your soul’s salvation? And the captivating Canuckess answers: ‘Oh, sure as h— I will.” When Fay Bainter, as almond-eyed Ming Toy in “East is West,” prays prettily to the “Chlistian God” to save her from being added to the personnel of Charlie Yong’s Chinatown harem, she begs that her heathen oppressors be assigned to Sheol with a large H. The naming of this brimstone word is, in each case, received by the audience with a flutter similar to that caused in a sewing-circle when the hostess’s angel-faced child lisps something improper. Those present feel that she really oughtn’t to say such things; that she will simply have to be corrected; that it is a good thing that she doesn’t realize the meaning of her words; and that she is perfectly killing. Youthful innocence gets away with a multitude of sinlets. In ‘Mis’ Nelly of N’Orleans” Mrs. Fiske, as the out-of-date auntie who comes back from Paris and outshines her niece in bewitching a man who once jilted her—this spirited Mis’ Nelly has some illuminating lines about the privileges of ingenuousness. When she was a girl, she says, she had a trick of cussing which was considered one of her most taking little ways. In those days she was pretty enough and magnetic enough to succeed as a sort of enfant terrible. But now that she is steeped in spinsterhood she is afraid to try her cussing on the people who once found it alluring: an auntie terrible would be quite another matter. So she keeps her naughty d: *s and h. ’s for private use—except when they just will come out. But when, with the connivance of the moon, she works her trans- formation scene and suddenly appears as the young charm- er she used to be, her girl- ish heedlessness comes back and she cusses as fetchingly as ever; and when the man who once treated her badly now succumbs abjectly and begs her to forgive him and be his bride and boss—when this man still under her spell asks if she came back to New Orleans “for this” she replies, “I’m d d if I know!” She did know, though, that she was safe in cussing at that particular moment, as her male victim was under the illusion Drawn by Rovu C. Pannene Cute Cussing to By Lawton Mackall J. H. Brewer as Lob in Barrie's “ Dear Brutus,” organizing the back-to-the-woods movement. that she was a queen of youth and beauty. As long as she could convey the im- pression of radiant bloom, she could act as she blooming pleased. One of the subtlest in stances occurs in Barri “What Every Woman Knows,” when the old prime minister is congratulating John Shand upon the wonder- ful improvement shown in the rewritten version of his speech; not guessing that the rewriting had been done by quict-as-a-mouse Maggie. “Those delicious little touches!” he exclaims. “How good that is, Shand, about the flowing tide. In the first speech it was something like this: ‘Gentlemen, the Op- position are calling to you to vote for them and the flow- ing tide, but I solemnly warn you to beware lest the flow- ing tide does not engulf you.” The second way is much better: ‘Gentlemen, the Opposition are calling to you to vote for them and the flowing tide, but I ask you cheerfully to vote for us and dam the flowing tide.’” Thus the audience learns that shy, forlorn little Maggie has calculatingly instigated a “dam” in Parliament. The effect is funnier than if she had pronounced the word herself. It is a flash that reveals her true char- acter, her sly daredeviltry carefully covered up with demureness. Any innocent but surprising impropriety on the part of a perfect lady is amusing. A dash of dainty pro- fanity comes under this head. But it must first be clearly established that she is a perfect lady. The viru- lent verbiage with which Mrs. Stevedore greets her husband upon his return in a state of squifulation is far from cute; nor is the galaxy of gutterisms with which Mame of the burlesque chorus beslops her conversa- tion particularly coy. To be piquant the cusser must be conscious that she is momentarily lapsing from ladyship. And so, gentle reader, if you hap- pen to be one of the fair sex and go to the theatre not only to study the drama but also to get pointers in the technique of fas- cination, take care what you put down in your mental notebook under the heading “‘ Charm of Cussing.””. Remember that it is fatal to give the impression of being cuss-hardened. What- ever be your language in the privacy of your boudoir or hall bedroom, when you cuss among men make them think you are adventuring with becoming timidity into a realm that is alto- gether strange toyou. Your first steps will seem fascinatingly cute. comicbooks.com