Judge — March 29, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Joun A. Sreicurr, President Perriton Maxwent, Editor Reuse P. Sreicuer, Secrei Among Our C Jas Moxtcowery Fiacc Lawrence Fettows Esa Froues Jous Gauette Don Heroin Rea Irviw Geert Burcess Evus Parker Butter Antnur Crawrorp Homer Croy Benysasun De Cassenes Watter De Maris SWEE HAT is a “movie” without a sweetheart? What is life without a sweetheart? What is a novel without a sweetheart? What's a doughboy without a sweetheart? There’s no answer. Why answer the in- conceivable? Why did we ask such a foolish series of questions? Well, because sweethearts have a way of making us all divinely foolish; and if we must be foolish let us be foolish about that most serious of things— sweethearts. Sweethearts are the sugared bonbon in the paper wrappings of daily existence. We speak of sweethearts in the feminine gender, although some dictionaries in- sist that the male can also be called a sweetheart; but what does a dusty-brained dictionary maker, who spends his whole life half-soling and heeling words, know about such matters, anyway? The sweethearts of men have put over some tremendous “stunts” on this old planet —bless their tantalizing, coy, tyrannous, topsy- turvy souls! There was Miss Helen, the belle of Troy, who so upset some of the hearts of the Greek doughboys that they started a war over her eyes. It was a long time ago, but human nature hasn’t changed a wee winkle since, and _ there isn’t one of us who would- n't start something with anybody else over our own special little Helen! Then there is the won- drous tale of Hero and Leander. Never heard of it? Then you are no hon'est-to-heart lover. Leander swam the Helles- pont—which was the New THEARTS Drown by Menai De Manis Diamond? A! Watprox, Lit Her Father—What do you think of the league of nation Mr. Diamond (a baseball enthusiast) —I about it, but I bet America wins the pennan Routaver, Treasurer Grant E. Hasicrox, Art Di ary Editor Lawron Macwart, Managi: Witrren Joxes E. W. Kester Orson Lowett Axcus MacDosaut Watt Masox Dosatp McKes Kensetn L. Roserts CHartes SARKA Cuixtox Scontarp Catvert Sain A.B. Watxer Evorxe Zanersan (2: York Bay was a pri of Abydos—every night to see Hero, who estess in a sort of dowr ‘oast Luna Park Temple of the time. One night he got a cramp and went to the bottom of the bay. When his body was washed up on the Jersey side Hero “did the Dutch” and followed him. And all the world had been tossing kisses to those sweethearts ever since. Spring is coming up over the hawthorn bushes, and all nature is picking out sweethearts—and wives. With the Only One on our arm, in April and May, things look different. Your income tax doesn’t matter. The busted water pipe can go hang. The dimple in her cheek is the hub of your soul. The swish of her dress *gainst your shoe will turn you into a poet if you were made of solid mahog. Is life worth living? Your sweetheart is the answer. And if you never had one, hustle around and get one. Stxes AND SEVENS HE United States Senate is prepared to defer to President Wilson’s every wish ~—to defer indefinitely, for that matter, . * . Nebraska women have been granted only partial voting rights, but before they kick, they'll have to show us where Nebraska men ever voted impartially, cither. . * * Most of the bunch who used to consider themselves pretty fair rulers, and get away with it, couldn’t hold down a job as a measuring tape today. “es Seattle isn’t the only town with an incipient crop of Bolshevism that needs to be ole-hansoned. s, Mr. lly don't know much comicbooks.com