Judge — March 22, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Uncertain—" Which way are * asked the man on the sidewalk a ride home, to the man trying to crank his car. “I'm not certain,” almost out of breath, who had recently quired a flivver; “I hain’t got her goin’ yit.”—Yonkers Statesman. replied the other, His Technical Point—“I thought you were going to have a car and some new furs when the war was over.” “Twas, but my husband says the peace terms aren't signed yet and the war may break out again any minute.” —Kansas City Star. ing Tires—Redd—I was telling my wife that I was frightened coming home last night, ‘cause my chauffeur took every corner on two tires.” Green—What djd she say to that? Redd—She said she thought I would have been pleased because that would have saved the other two tires a whole lot.—Yonkers Statesman In Good—" How did Wombat get so nged up?” “He was run over by an automobile.” “He seems cheerful about it.” “Yes, he figures on getting enough ges to buy a car of his own,” 5 pas nos fusils, comment concai guns how can we convince our opponent La Baionne Not Entirely—The idea of running automobiles with alcohol, remarks a con- temp., scems to have been abandoned Joy riders still insist on or less with the gasoline. Whoever Did, Indee Do they really prefer the army mule to motors?” “Sure, motor engines go dead some- times, but who ever saw a dead mule?” — Baltimore American, you lose. “Yassuh,” asserted Mr. Erastus Pink ley. “De immorality but ton Star Showing His Love—‘ Look here, Rastus!” “Yes! “T begins U think yer doesn’t love me no mor “Nonsense, "Liza; what put dat fool- ish noshin in yer haid?” “Why, yer ju t there by the fire and sees me work “Why, "Liza, dear! De more [ sits by this ‘ere fire and sees yer workin’ the more I love yer, Honey!"—Yonkers Statesman. “Mighty Near'’’—In the good old times when gas light was used on the streets, when omnibuses ran rattling over the cobblestones instead of street Cars, when live chickens and live beef were brought to market in place of tasteless cold-storage meat, great droves of pigs used to come grunting and squealing along John Street in Cincinnati; also, herds of wild-eyed, long-horned cattle driven by wild looking men on horseback and great droves of gray colored mules with a leader carrying a bell on his neck. Well, this lead mule was often a beau tiful, clean-limbed beast and one day an old negro said to Dan Beard: “Say, Dannie, did you see dat white bell mule?” “Yes, Uncle, I saw him and he mighty pretty mule.” “Yea, he am a mighty fine mule an’, Dannie, he cum mighty near being my mule, “Go ‘long, Uncle! ing about?” “He sure did, Dannie. I asked de driver to give him to me an’ he said no. If he had said yes, Uncle sius would hab owned dat mule!”—Boys’ Life. What are you talk- Chicken Farming—" Whut’s de fus’ thing you does when you’s gineter keep chickens?” asked Miss Miami Brown. “If you’s gineter keep chickens in dis locality,” replied Mr. Erastus Pinkley, “de fus’ thing I'd advise you to do is to practice a little ev’y day wif a shotgun.” —Washington Star. DARKYISMS Mo’ Inconvenience—"It’s just as wrong to gamble when you win as when jes’ as great, Je inconvenience ain’t.”—Washing- comicbooks.com