Judge, 1919-03-15 · page 7 of 36
Judge — March 15, 1919 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Facts Not Found in Histories" — Judge Magazine Satire This page presents humorous "alternative facts" about famous historical figures, mocking both popular misconceptions and modern absurdities. The column by Clifford Hollander uses anachronistic jokes—attributing modern inventions or concerns to historical figures who couldn't have experienced them. Examples include: the Queen of Sheba never appeared in movies; Lincoln's fame came from a highway named after him (not his actual accomplishments); King Henry VIII's wife-beheading is presented as marital advice; Napoleon's hand-in-shirt pose proved military readiness; and King Solomon never paid alimony (implying his polygamy was fortunate). The scattered jokes below mock contemporary issues: a soldier's uniform fit, a reformed boy who'd have been jailed otherwise, and literary ambitions. The "S.O.S." entry jokes that "T.N.T." means "drinks" in military slang, and U.S.A. products are so expensive they should be called "radium." The top cartoon shows two horses discussing meal preferences—likely simple visual humor unrelated to the text.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Drwen by ToS, Stussy ase First Horse—Di Second Morse you prefer y urn It makes no difference la cart or table ce if T yet n to y a la mowed. Facts Not Found in Histories By Currorp Hontanner HE Queen of Sheba was a renowned vampire but was never offered a contract to appear in the movies. Abraham Lincoln’s true greatness was never fully realized until a highway was named after him. Mare Anthony was the first and most famous lounge lizard of all time. Although famous for his oratorical prowess, Cicero never spoiled a perfectly good dinner by speaking at a banquet. Cleopatra was renowned for her beauty despite the fact that her picture was never displayed on a tooth paste ad. x Columbus proved that the J earth was round by making an egg ~*~ 9 stand on end, but was never able to \ answer the question: “W did / the chicken cross the road? qj Father's Condition : Discharged Lieutenant her, I can’t wear the shoes I did before join- ing the army, Father—Just so the same old hat fits you, my son! He Reformed “Here’s a poct with a lament for the boy he used to be, Have you any regrets?”? one. The boy [used to be would have been in jail by this time.” Drawn by Wenway Paiuvn King Henry, the VIII, got rid of his wives by having them beheaded, which has given many a person an idea for settling what might have been a serious domestic problem. Vapoleon’s pictures depict him with one hand under his shirt, which proved the great general was ready for any emergency. Although she had years of experience, Queen Elizabeth never conducted a column on “Advice to the Lovelorn” for the Sunday papers. Many people would never have heard of Henry Clay if they weren't in the habit of smoking nickel cigars. King Solomon’s fame for wis- dom can only be appreciated when it is realized that he was never forced to pay alimony to any of his wives. His Objection “Your nephew seems to possess | marked literary abilit “Yes, some folks say so,” replied a the gaunt Missourian. “But I hope | | VY he won't take to poetry. I'd just about as soon see him in the legis- lature.”” o.s. “TN. TL" is A. E. F. for “drinks.” © tes! Now rea ne read Judging from the price, the U. S.A synonym should be “radium.” comicbooks.com