Judge, 1919-03-08 · page 7 of 32
Judge — March 8, 1919 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis for Modern Readers This page contains humorous essays and jokes typical of early 20th-century *Judge* magazine. The main article "Carpets" by Stuart W. Kistner is satirical commentary on domestic life, using carpet/rug installation as metaphor for social pretension. It mocks how Americans display wealth through "Oriental" rugs (actually made in Connecticut), and humorously describes the profanity-laden ordeal of fathers installing carpets. "His Deliberate Way" is a short joke about a small-town mayor (Hon. Tobe Sagg) resigning after seven terms, claiming he can't endure public criticism—prompting another citizen to note it took him remarkably long to understand what mayors face. The remaining items are brief rural humor pieces: "A False Prophecy" jokes that a woman who loved dolls as a child now owns only a dog; other jokes play on dachshunds, servants, and rustic courtship. The drawings by M.A. Grenier and C.J. Taylor are illustrative cartoons accompanying the text. The humor relies on early 1900s social observations and rural American dialect for comedic effect.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Carpets By Stuart W. Ksicur ‘S are garments worn by floors. The im- of nude floors is seldom tolerated any- where except in ballrooms, where they pass unnoticed in the general heterogeneity of nakedness. When a carpet gets into society it is called a rug. If it is an expensive rug it is called Oriental. Oriental rugs are made in Connecticut, in advertisements, and in hosts’ stories. Rugs, like other sartorial members of society, do not entirely cover their wearer. The rug is cut décolleté so that it shows part of the floor. Many floors are very daring in this respect and would be proper objectives for purity crusades. Probably re- formers have overlooked this field because the floors which offend the most are those which are the most highly polished. Old-fashioned carpets completely cover prudish floors. Floors which have no particular charms to display generally wear the old-fashioned garb, Tacks are used instead of safety-pins in dressing floors. Carpets are laid with tacks and profanity. When father puts down a carpet he wears out his knee his patience, and his vocabulary. Rugs are put down with a roll. The heavier and richer they are the larger the roll must be. His Deliberate Way fter being mayor of this town for seven straight terms the gg has resigned,” stated a citizen of Grudge. “He says he can’t stand the kicks and cussings of the people.” “It "pears to have taken him quite a spell to find out what Drawn by M.A. Gensrix a country town elects a mayor for,” commented another citizen. Hon, ‘ obe A False Prophecy By STRICKLAND GiLLiLan N baby-days she played with dollies, This sometime human mother— Committed all the childish follies We've seen in many another. We watched and said: “How Nature calls! Maternal instinct buddi Some time she'll play with living dolls. With love her fond heart flooding.” She's forty, now, and married, too; Yet rue o'erflows our cup To have to make this statement true: These she packs a pup! A Possible Change Parker—I thought your dachshund was longer? Quinn—Perhaps he was; but last night we left him in the kitchen and he ate all the cook's shortening. An Exerciser Mistress—Can you exercise discretion? New Sercant—Can 1? Say, I've exercised everything from lap dogs to society climbers. Fully Equipped “How is the feller that’s figgering on marrying Zach Flatt’s oldest girl fixed to set up housckeepin inquired 4 ar a neighbor. Drawn by C4. Tavvom “First rate,” replied Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Our hero tries to surprise the old folks by stealing in the back way. Ark. “He's got ‘leven hounds and a fiddle.” comicbooks.com