Judge — March 8, 1919 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

is JOURNALIS Well Prepared—“I see Henry Ford is running # newspaper.” “Does he know anything about pub- lishing a newspaper?” “Must know a heap. I notice he waited until he got $40,000,000 before arranging to run one.”—Kansas City Journal The Dog's Error—Sam Oberman was a visitor here the first of the week, and had a mix with a watch dog who mistook him for another party.—Porkey Item, in Warren (Pa.) Times. » Peace Potentates in Paris Congé chaque fois qu'il en vient unt Je ne demande qu'd crier: ‘Vive le roi” six fois par semaine Celebrating Citiuen—Every time one of them arrives we get a holiday. I don't care how many days a week I spend yelling “Hurrah!°—Le Rire (Paris). Fulfilling Its Mission—“ Pretty dull magazine you're getting out. You'll never interest the public with it.” “You don’t understand. This is for doctors and dentists to place on their anteroom tables.”—Kansas City Journal. In the Lead—Soon or late the old friends come b however, newly The paper announced the death iam B. Jones when he was not dead. The next day it printed the follow- ‘ing notice: “Yesterday we were the first: news- paper to publish the news of the death of Mr. William B. Jones. Today we were the first to deny the report. The Morn- ing Star is always in the lead.”’—Dallas News. One Editor's Belief—The fellow, white or black, male or female, big or little, who entered our woodhouse one dark night last week and stole therefrom a brand-new ax costing us $2, we believe to be a thicf—Walnut Ridge (N. Y.) Times-Dispatch. An Embarrassed Town—Simply because the board of health asked par- ents to keep the children off the streets, somebody circulated the report that no- body is allowed to come to Cortland. One woman was afraid to telephone for fear she would get the flu over the phone. Cortland (O.) Herald. Had All He Advertised ‘Two face: tious cockneys were passing a Dublin butcher's shop the other day when, seeing the owner standing at the door, they de- cided on a laugh at his expense. “Well, old boy,” said one of them to him, “according to your notice on the window you have cuts to suit all purses.” “An’ sure so I have,” replied the butcher. “Well, then, what sort of a cut can you give me for an empty purse?” he was asked. “A cowld shouldher, of course,” was the prompt answer, and a certain gleam in the butcher’s eye promptly sent the funny ones on their way.—Chicago News. The Indistinct Future Philanthropic Person—Have you never striven, my friends, to attain a higher life? Mundane Marmaduke—Well, mister, we ain't got past corned-beef an’ beer whether we'll ever reach champa chicken I can't bloomin’ well say.—Sydnry Bulletin. “Chess So!” Hope Springs Eternal.—Tatler (London). Formal Notice—“ What’s the delega- tion?” “We propose to wait formally upon our landlady to tell her that the war is over and suggest that a_ reasonable amount of food supplies may now be re- leased.” —Kansas City Journal. Allaying Excitement—“ You mustn't cat while angry or excited.” “Huh?” “That is bad for digestion.” “All right. Then stop telling me what the stuff costs.”—Louisville Courier- Journal. eT WHEEZES Got Tangled—"How did you get your mustache into this condition?” asked the barber. “‘Guess I'll have to take it off.” “Allright. I tried to steal a kiss from a girl who was chewing gum.”—Kansas City Journal. On the Phone—Maz (at telephone)— What! Line still busy? Why, great cats, I’ve been trying to get that number for half an hour. Central (sweetly)—It’s a party line, you know. Man (wildly)—Party nothing! It’s a convention line!—Buffalo Express. Perhaps Not, But— Church—After all that has happened, do you suppose the kaiser has changed? Gotham—No. A leopard can’t change his spots. Church—Perhaps not, but he can have the spots knocked out of him.—Yonkers Statesman. comicbooks.com