Judge — March 8, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Breaking the News—/urr— Father was writing done on tablets of stone in the old day “Yes, my son,” replied the dutiful parent “Gee!” mused the boy. “Then it must have taken a crowbar to break the news.” —Kanses City Journal. Enterprise—The small boy walked into the office of the village doctor and, marching up to him, whispered very fentially Please, sir, mother sent me to say our Lizzie’s got influenza awful bad, and she wants to know how much you'll give her to spread it all over the village?” Pearson's Weekly. con’ Her Biblical Rebuke—One evening when little Mary had fractured one of the rules governing table behavior she was removed from the family board and made to eat her dinner at a little table in a corner, Her presence was ignored by the other members of the family After a period of silence the family heard her giving thanks. “I thank Thee, Lord, for preparing for me a table in the presence of mine enemies.” —Ezerybody’: Magazine Conservation—Jimmy is a small ten year-old and very unpopular with the family just now. He reckons time from a bagful of ill-gotten marbles, and has reduced the use of soap and water to a fine point. The other morning he was, usual, late at breakfast. Finally his father mounted the steps a at a time only to comeon Jimmy in the bathroom door look ing complacently into his mother’s hand mirror. “What are you doing with that mir ror?” his father asked brusquely. Trying to see which part of my face he answered, promptly.—Jn to wash diana, Obvious Brown—Heilo, $ t's the smatter Shirk—Do you know Mrs. Blink? Yes -looking woman; husband's in Franc “No, sir, he isn’t.” y Bulletin Broken Speech —“ Father,” said the sharp small boy, “I saw a deaf and dumb beggar in the street this morning and he had an impediment in his speech.” “4 deaf and dumb man with an im pediment in his speech!” exclaimed father. ‘Don’t talk nonsense, Lance lot.” “But he had, father,” insisted the boy n¢ of his middle fingers was missing.” tsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. Pi Stuck Up for His Dad—He was « loyal little shaver and he wouldn't let anything said against his parents go un challenged. One rainy Sunday afternoon the boy next door was visiting, and said “Listen to your father snoring in the library.” “Pa isn’t snoring,” was the indignant repl. “He's dreaming about a dog an’ that’s the dog growlin’.”"—Boston Tran- script. The Way of the Wicked—Congress- man Edward E. Holland of Virginia re marked at a social gathering in Washing ton that things do not always turn out the expected way, and told the following story as an example: An elderly man was traveling on a southern train when he became engaged in conversation with a younger man in the seat beside him. Eventually the talk led to personal experience. “Once I was a clerk in a grocery store at $10 a week,” said the younger man speaking of his earlier life, “but, like many others, I fell in with careless com panions and was induced to gamble—” “T sec! see!” interjected the elderly one with a sigh. “You gambled and was tempted to take money that did not belong to you.” “Oh, no,” was the cheerful rejoinder of the younger man. “I won enough in a month to buy the grocery store.”"—Phila delphia Telegraph. The Wise Chinese—Banker Earl C Dodge, of Boston, who has lived some years in China, said in a recent after dinner speech “ Anybody who the Chinese should read their proverbs. The Chinese have book of 10,000 proverbs, and they're all as wise and true as the first one in the volume, which says “Tt is safer to pull a tiger’s tail than to call a lady’s attention to her first gray hair.’ ""—Detroit Free Press. oubts the wisdom of His Truthfulness—Colonel J. Fisk. who was a partner of Jay Gould, was a native of Brattleboro, Vermont. He al ways prided himself upon his truthful ness. He told a committeeman who in- terviewed him one day, that he couldn't think of telling a lie for a shilling, but “might tell eight for a dollar.” —AMaga sine of Wall Street. comicbooks.com ay. 5aeE