Judge — March 1, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A. Digeet of the \Vorlds autor WET AND DRY A Wife Indeed—A man who had looked on the wine when it was red a great deal too often was induced to sign the pledge the other day. His wife delighted. “You must let me have it! taking the precious document. keep it for you!” On the next day the man was drinking again as freely as before. “How is th asked a friend. “ You signed the pledge yesterday and now you are drinking again.” “It's all right, signer in unsteady tones. to keep that pledge. she'll keep it for me, Hooray!” Answers. was " she cooed “LT will replied the pledge “T don't have My wife says London A Prudent Question—‘Shay said the intoxicated person. ble chauffeur?" . sir. Climb into my taxi and you home in a jiffy.” “Wait a minute, wait a minute. Thish is what I wanter know. Can you drive up to my door an’ then drive away again without tootin’ that infernal horn of yours an’ tippin’ my wife off that it’s time to come downstairs an’ start some thin’?""—Birmingham Age-Herald. Undeniable hibition?” “ Believe in it!’ echoed Uncle Bill Bot ulctop. “I've gotto believe in it. At present it’s one of the most obvious facts in our community.” —Washington Star “Do you believe in pro- Excitement—“So this is a dry town where you live?” Not much doing, ch?" Not much. We might drive out and view the waterworks.” —Kansas City Star. “Well, Mrs. Come Did you Couldn't Get R up, did your dinner suit you? get quantum suficit?” Oh, you couldn't get anything like that in this town. It’s local option.” Baltimore American His Chance— Carter —Aren't drinking a little more than usual? Clubleigh—Ves; my wife has a cold in her head and can’t smell a blame thing. Roston Transcript. you Just a Suggestion kaiser has unsuccessfully attempted sui- Cable. ‘To a versatile person like William, a very little practice in this style might be calculated cide. to be successful. —Sydney Bulletin Dry Humor—“ Pop?” “Well, Junior —” “What's ‘dry humor “Giving the laugh to the anti-prohibi tionists.”"—Youngstown Telegram. ‘ant Solace—‘I don’t beli 1 ever make Europe bone-dry. “I don’t, cither,” rejoined Uncle Bill Bottletop. “But Europe is a long ways to travel just for a drink.”—Washington Star. ¢ they TOUGH-HIDES Professional Pride plimented me highly.” “But he sentenced you to twenty years in the penitentiary That explains the compliment. He said I was the smoothest crook who had come before him in many moons.” Birmingham Age-Herald. “The judge com- Would Be Represented old codgers got into a quarrel ¢ before the | magistrate. The loser turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: “I'll law you to the Circuit Court.” “I'm willin’,” said the other. “An’ TH Jaw you to the Supreme Court.” “Tl be thar.” “An? law to ‘ell!” “My attorney’ll be there,” was the calm reply.— Boston Transcript. A couple of id landed Father's Preference—Miss Prittikid —But, father, he is a man you can trust Her Pa—Gracious, girl! What I want is one I can borrow from.-—Jndiana polis Star. Quite Unlike—‘That fellow Beatem is a sponge.” “Don’t libel a useful article. You couldn’t get anything back from Beatem by squeezing him.”—Boston Transcript. sy Progress—" What's your griev- ance against Mr. Gadspur? “T said I wanted to go somewhere and make a name for myself,” replied young Mr. Dubson. “Well?” “He suggested the Fiji Islands as a place where he thought I could keep at least two laps ahead of my nearest com- petitor.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. comicbooks.com