Judge — February 1, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ate XS ‘ MATRIMONY Explained—Ske—Before we were mar- ried you brought me much handsomer presents. He—My general expenses were light then. You lived on your father and I lived on free lunch.—Kansas City Journal, Like and Unlike—An old preacher used to say that a wife should be at once like and unlike three things. t, she should be like a snail, always keep within her house; but she should not, like a snail, carry all she has on her back. Secondly, she should be like an echo, to speak when she is spoken to; but she should not, like an echo, always have the last word. Thirdly, she should be like the town clock, always keep time regularly; but she should not, like the town clock, speak so loud that all the town may hear her.— Boston Transcript. - Spanish Liberalism molt compte amb no desafinar, ch! una, a les dues a... dos quarts de “One, two, three, now gentlemen, the Marseillaise! ‘It is safe to sing it now!”— Exquella (Barcelona). Peace Pacts—W'ife (trying to think of The Hague)—Let's see, what is the name of that place where so much was done toward promoting peace in the world? Hub—Reno, my dear.—Boston Tran- script. Can You Imagine Her Reply? (London). Wife—Dearest, do you know you haven't kissed me for six weekg? minded Professor—Good heavens! Then whom have 1 been kissing? —Saturday fed) iS A Similar Feeling—Betty acciden- tally discovered her pulse one day, and running to her mother she exclaimed: “Oh, mamma, I got the hiccoughs in my wrist.”—Journal of the Avurican Medical Association. Mother's Question—‘‘Good morn- ing, children,” said the arithmetic teacher. “How many of you have pre- pared an original problem in multiplica- tion as I requested?” Only one hand went up. “Well, William, you may give your problem and the rest of the class may solve it.” “If my baby sister is a year old now and weighs twenty pounds, and keeps on gaining two ounces a day until she is six- teen years old, and if the price of living doubles again in the next ten years, how much will my sister’s graduation outfit cost?) Mother says she would like to know.”’—Rehoboth Herald. Real Speed—There are still some parts of the country where an automobile is an unfamiliar sight. A touring car passed through a small town in northern Kentucky at top speed. As it disap- peared from sight in a cloud of dust, one old settler, rubbing his bulging eyes, remarked: “Gosh! Them horses sure must ha’ been traveling some when they got loose from that gentleman’s ker- ridge!" —Service. Not without Sails—‘“ What's the use of cussing so continuously?” The darned auto won't go.” “Well, you can’t run it by lung power.”—Brooklyn Citizen. His Comeback—There had been an accident. The motor-car had run over a man’s toes and now the injured party was claiming damages. “What! You want $1oo for a crushed foot?”’ cried the chauffeur, aghast. “Look here, I’ve only my pay—I'm not a millionaire!” “Perhaps you ain’t,” replied the tim, firmly, ‘and I ain’t no centipede Boston Post. comicbooks.com