Judge — January 25, 1919 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Jous Het, Ja. emptied th’ dhrum case in ally iv our brave honors Monaco and Brazil. We then stharted upon th’ con- tints iv th’ fiddle case in wan iv th’ grandest out- bursts iv inthernational frindship th’ world has yet seen, doin’ honor t’ our brave allies Alaska and Chili and Iceland and th’ Straits iv Dover and Hoboken and Peru. h’ utmost unanimity iv amity prevailed regardin’ th’ honor due t’ our brave allies iv Corea and Luxemburg and th’ Issmiss iv Panama, but there was some doubt as t’ th’ loyalty iv th’ Tropic iv Capri- corn and some iv us dhrank for and some against th’ Desert iv Saharah, but all might still have been well had we not run aginst th’ question iv th’ loyalty iv th’ Republic iv Patagonia, which some iv us said was Bolsheviki t’ th’ core and others said was a black- hearted autocracy. I maintained t’ th’ last that Patagonia was noothral. “Be calm,” I says. “Frinds, Romans, citizens, be calm!" but they wud not be calm. Wan was for and wan was aginst. “We'll put it t? a vote,” I says, “but as for me I’m for th’ noothrality iv Patagonia t’ th’ last!” They voted six impty bottles aginst wan side iv me head “for” and six impty bottles aginst th’ other side iv me head “aginst,” but th’ felly that voted th’ Frinch hoorn case and th’ half brick carried th’ eliction by an over- whelmin’ majority, and whin I come t’ me sinses (said Mike Dugan) I come t’ New York, th’ great city bein’ farther from Pata- gonia than Washin’vn is.” Better Commanding Officer your honorable discharge. to be proud of it. Rastus—Deed Ah am, Captain. Why, in civil life when Ah was dis- charged Ah was jes plain fired. Rastus, here is You ought won't hatch out! The Hen—I believe I'm bunkered—been set- ting on those golf balls for a month and they onds—Astonishing, I'm sure! How is that? I'm him! The Absent-minded Man By Tos P. Moxcas “ ABE STRADLIN is the ab: met up with,” admitted p Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “He'd lose his head if it wasn’t fastened on, and ’twouldn’t make much difference to him if he did. ‘T’uther day he took a young dog\out in the timber to train it, leading the varmint along with a tow string and packing his gun on his shoulder. Bimeby he stopped at a spring to get a drink, and as there wasn’t a sapling handy he tied the dog to his gun, and laid down to lap up the water. About that time I came along with a couple of my dogs, and, nacher'l enough, they swarmed onto that dog of his’n “Well, it was hooraw, boys, hooraw, for a spell, with them infernal dogs going over and under like pinwheels, and that there gun flying in the air and trailing on the ground, and me and Abe behind thick trees, hollering one thing and another to the world at large and expecting every minute the gun would shoot one of the dogs or us. Abe's dog finally broke loose and tore out with the gun ‘yanking along behind and my dogs right after him. And out of the timber and up the road they went, like bats out of torment. Naming no names,’ says I, ‘some- body around yur has shore played thunder! Them dogs will get their shot or they'll shoot up somebody in the road, and then there'll be the dickens to pay!’ “*Aw, it hain’t as bad as it looks,’ ys he. ‘I’ve just recollected that I didn’t load the—yaw-haw! haw!—gun before I started out.’” nt-mindedest gent I ever selves sy Ore Friend—How’s the mining scheme? Promoter—We took $50,000 out last month: Friend—Out of the mine? Promoter—No; out of the stock- holders, comicbooks.com