Judge — January 25, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of die Wort Himos WET. AND DRY == Sincerity— Judge, all Task of you is to temper justice with mer “You say blind tiger whisky caused your downfall?” “Yes, your honor.” “And you solemnly pro drink any more of that stuff: “Indeed I do, your honor. In fact, I’ve just sent a friend out to buy me a railroad ticket to the nearest wet town,” —Birmingham Age-Herald. ise not to Combinations — “What are your views on the subject of prohibition?” ¥ replied Uncle Bill Bottletop, “if you could regulate rum so as to limit the combination to good men and good licker there mightn’t be so much damage. But somehow the bad men and the bad licker always get together and spoil any little decent reputation alcohol ever did have." —IWashington Star. He Was Right—Boozy Brennan (try- i y, yer honor. Judge—You are right, and the amount of yours will be $10,—Detroit Free Press. Still in the Ring—‘“Is the agitation against prohibition in this town dead yet?" “No, indeed. Mr. Jagsby, our fore- most agitator, has been confined to his home with an acute attack of grippe for several weeks, but he lacks a great deal of being dead yet."—Birmingham Age- Herald, Interesting Experiences—“ What are you reading there?” “A book entitled, ‘Recollections of a Dry Town.’” “Rather dull, I suspect?” “Not as dull as you might think. The subtitle is, ‘Some Bootleggers I Have Met.’"—Birmingham Age-Herald. Robin Ad-hair? Old Lady (to friend) —Who on earth is this Bob who's been urging all the girls to cut their hair?—London Opinion. Nothing Doing—‘ A newspaper re- porter wishes to see you, sir.”” “Did you tell him I was hoarse—could hardly speak?” “Yes, sir; but he said he would only ask questions which you could answer by a nod or a shake of the head.” “Tell him I have a stiff neck.” —Boston Transcript. Squaring Accounts Ske—Doctor’s bills? Oh, my father’s a Il for nothing. SSS TOUGH-HIDES The Victim—A member of Congress from New England undertook to raise a sum of money for a charitable purpose, and, in order to collect as much mone possible, he wrote cloquent letters of appeal to his wealthiest constituents. From one of them he received the follow- ing heartbreaking reply: “T have your letter requesting a dona- tion for what you consider a very worthy cause. I flatter myself that I havea spirit of loyalty and generosity. I have con- tributed to each and every object that has been presented to me, but I have to decline helping your cause along for the following reasons: “T have been held up, held down, sand- bagged, walked on, sat on, rolled over, flattened out, and squeezed; first by the United States Government for the Fed- eral war tax, the excess profits tax, the Liberty Loan Bonds and the bonds of matrimony; in New Jersey for the State tax, the highway tax, the income tax, the auto tax, school tax, cat tax, and syntax, and every society and organi- tion the inventive mind of man can invent to extract what you may or may not possess, from the Society of John the Baptist, the G. A. R., the women’s relief corps, the men relief, the stomach relief, the wifeless, the husbandless, the child- less, the conscienceless, the navy league, the Red Cross, the green cross, the double cross, and every other cross of all colors, and by the children’s home, the Dorcas society, and the hospital. “One of my mills burned down, the henhouse and board walk blew away and, because I will not sell all that I have to go beg, borrow, and steal, I have been cussed and discussed, boycotted, talked to and talked about, lied to and lied about, held up, hung up, robbed and nearly ruined, and the only reason Iam clinging to life is to see what in h—— is coming next.”—Munsey’s. comicbooks.com