Judge — January 4, 1919 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IDGE January 4, 1919 Ed ——— 1 the WITH the COLLEGE WITS > for- anepressls Joyous, Irresponsible d by ee hap- ; Preliminary a: td First K. P.—Why do they always put the stew on the table an hour before mess? Second Damned Soul—That's to scare away the flies.—Record. That Siren Shriek arry- ow. lack- ether stays ig for | pre- ast to sitely Just senti- Vynn When larris. cuffed ughty watch Hull Dis- light Force of Habit a ew Or a few mistakes the discharged soldier will make after the war: Now 1. Ducking in a manhole if an automobile h with | siren sounds. birds . Reaching for a gas mask while passing an onion field, Snapping to attention if a mule brays. 4. Saluting and saying “Sir” when address- ing his wife. s. Calling the corporal of the guard if a woman speaks to him on the street. 6. Steering clear of saloons, booze, etc. (?) ig a bayonet on German pancakes. aring a woolen undershirt to remind him of cooties. 0 NOT 9. Borrowing Y. M. C. A. stationery. . 10. Having his picture taken.—Chaparral. Because Man’s hair turns gray before woman's; That’s known in e The explanation’s He wears his all the time. —Punch Bowl. ; Money 106 Roommate Primus—Hang it, old top, I wish ed to. there were no such thing as moncy. Roommate Secundus—Don’t let that worry you. We have no proof that there is. Ask “The Merchant of Venice’ English Shark—If Ivanhoe costs sixty cents at the bookstore, how much is Kenilworth? What a novel English Prof —Great Scott! question.—Cha parral, Or A bachelor is one of two things: 100 bi he is cither 2 coward to take the chance, or else he’s devilish handsome and doesn’t have to. —Pelican, Not in the Chimney swallow? That wasn’t the chim- that was I.—Lampoon. She—Did you hear the chimr Embarrassed Youth ney, Ethel; —Bru-nonian. —on a postage stamp—and you can’t tell all about intestinal hygiene in a few paragraphs. Constipation is the result of clogged waste matter in the bowels, and it causes of aggravates 90% of human illness. Don’t you think it’s a subject worth knowing about ?* The Nujol Laboratories have had pre- pared authoritative literature dealing with the subject of constipation, how *Armless: Prim Old Girl (at art museum)—And this, I presume, is Cleopatra, the Theda Bara of her d iglish Caretaker—On the contrary, madame, that is Venus de Milo. Quite ‘armless, quite ‘armless.—Sun Dial. The Reckless Driver Officer—Vur onner, I arrested this man fer cuttin’ corners in his machine. Judge—What kind of a machine driving? Officer was he I don’t know, the way he was drivin’ lawnmower! yur onner, but from you'd think it was a Pelican. caused, its danger, and how it can be safely overcome in various conditions of life. Such literature represents the opinions of medical authorities the world over. It is presented in a plain, interesting and instructive way in the form of several booklets, which will be sent gratis on request. Nujol Laboratories * STANDARD OIL CO. (NEW JERSEY) 50 Broadway, New York Nujol ol For Constipation Rtcus PATO Na jot Laboratories, Stand: New York. Please send me at once the booklet marked— “THIKTY PEET OP DANGER” CensUpation~auto-iotoaication in adults “AS THE TWIG 1S BENT" (Cy costelpation ta tataney and chfidhood. “THE DAYS THAT GO BEFORE” Constipation In pregnancy and nur “WAGES OP NEGLECT” “AS THE SHADOWS COnetipation aa a cause of ples. [_] Constipation ta od age. Name .. Address. Jersey), Room 113-L, 0 Broad