Judge — January 4, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

said, “‘ Ker-choo! like sin. The doctor said, as at my side he mixed up pills to feed my face, “The wonder is you have not died! I never saw so bad a case. I’ve seen a hun- dred taken down, I’ve seen them like the ripe grain fall; a thousand men are sick in town, but you are sicker than them all. It is a feather in my cap that I have pulled you through the strife; that you still loiter on the map, and breathe the well-known breath of life.” The nurse, a lady most re- fined, had kindred soothing things to say; “By jings,” she cried, ‘it strikes me blind that you are still on earth today! When first I heard you sneeze and choke, and throw all kinds of fancy fits, I said, ‘Oh, chee, this guy will croak ere I’ve a chance to earn two bits!’” So in my convalescent days, when doc announced that I was cured, I longed to go my my old-time ways, and brag of all I had endured. There my A Helpful Hint said, but they disagree with me on every p’int I bring up—politics, re- ligion, the raising of children and dogs, how to arrange Peace, and everything else you can think of—and the women folks out-yell me and the men folks out-cuss me. If I try to stand up for my rights the ladies have spells and the gents talk about whipping me. How can I go to work to get ’em to leave? What shall I do?” “Well, I'll tell you, Newt,” judicially replied Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “Being as there are seven of them and only one of you, I reckon you'll find it a heap easier to leave yourself than toget them toleave.”” Drawn by E. Fromm Loxcep to Go My Oup-Tiae, Ways, ano Brac or Drawn by J. R. Gnaven “Aw! Use a Littte Srratecy, Mickey! Butr Hist in tue Saient!"” it. They Aut | Hap Expurep.” After the Flu: 46y Walt Mason “Uncle” Walt's Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge HAD nine kinds of Spanish flu, with sundry German brands thrown in; all day I coughed and all night I coughed and sneezed deuce. And when at last I toiled up-town, all primed is no sense in being ill unless it gives you an excuse to talk about the doctor’s bill, and boast of pain to beat the friends will never let me brag; in vain I hoped siege of flu would give a chance to chew the rag. room, a: “Which one of you has been waiting the longest?” His Bad Example “T NEED your advice, Gap,” said an obfuscated neighbor. A PHYSICIAN upon opening the door of his consulting “Seven of my wife's kinfolks are at our house. are not only cating me out of house and home, as the feller with tales of pain and ache, my old companions turned me down, and said my_ sickness was a fake. Old Calvin Johnson mut- tered, “Shoo! You have you gall to talk of pain! A_ tin horn ailment like the flu! Your talk is frivolous and vain. Just wait until you have the gout, your toe swelled bigger than a brick! Then you may prance around, old scout, and claim you really have been sick!” Said Baldwin, ‘While you’ve been in bed, pretending that you had disease, I’ve been at least three quarters dead, a with rheumatiz in both my i knees! And when I’ve borne a hundredweight of poultices upon my frame, it makes me tired to have,sa skate come up and boost his cheap flu game.” Alas, no matter what I do, “T have,” spoke up a man ina stentorian voice. “I’m your tailor. I de- livered your clothes four weeks ago.” Efficiency Male Shopper — My wife sent me for some filet. Clerk—For yourself or for her? ; Male Shopper—What difference does that 4 make? Clerk—If it’s for your- self, it’s beef; if it’s for her, it’s lace. Propriety He (aged cight)—Do you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood? She (aged seven) — Yes; but I never repeat ers ses comicbooks.com