Judge — December 28, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

December 28, 1918 Drawn by Lase Castrmee Jovial Frog—Hurrah for us! I guess this is the closed season for ducks all right! The Champion Athlete By Axtemus Waro Urtixe “ HEN the last analysis of athletes is made,” Earle E. Wurme gave it as his opinion, stepping boldly onto the make-believe Persian or Oriental rug which was placed directly in front of the arm-swinging corner of the Nineteenth Hole, “when the ulti mate analysis of athletes is made,” he said, “it will be found that a certain girl, typifying the average American maiden, is the best all- arounder of them all—worthy of wearing the laurels, the bay, the evergreen, or the commonly called honors. Men? A couple of tuts, a sixth of a dozen poohs, and a like and similar number of tushes! Men, for strength, agility, flectness and the et ceteras and trimmings of the ath-a- letic life, are not gamboling in the same field with her. Listen: “She’s only a handful of femininity; a doll baby; a bundle of charming attributes—and all the other flowery, flossy, fluffy things men call girls. Doesn't weigh more than a hundred, maybe; is frail; not at all built as are our hammer-throwers, our weight-lifters, our general strong men. Her muscles s soft as her sweetest word. And ye she cares to she can perform feats of which no man may think at least a second time. Discus throwers, base- ball pitchers, and such are rated as some beans, but you should see this girl cast her eyes up to heaven! Have you noticed the stars at night? They are the eyes of maidens that have been cast up ther their owners. So much for her skill at throwing. “Strong? She can take the hardest heart of man and break it into little pieces. The world’s highways are strewn with particles of life's beating articles called hearts which she has scat- tered after breaking. And these form the dust which gets in your eyes when you drive Her along the road in your chugger ‘neath the light of the moon “Her hands are dainty, suited for playing the piano, tennis, love or the ukulele. Such splen- did little fingers! Yet she can take the biggest, heaviest, strongest, most muscular man and wind him around her little finger. “Her speed? She isn’t at all a fast girl, yet her speed is something wonderful. In her race with man she wins in a walk. I’ve often won- dered what she could do in a run. Though, parenthetically, I can tell you what a woman can do in the long run; but a married woman, of course, doesn’t come under the head of cham- pion athlete. She earns that title before, as some one says, she passes through that marriage ceremony established by the Jewish law maker, Hymen. But even when married she is an creme dentifri Dr. Shel elastic hurdler—by which I mean that when she is cornered D she can dodge neater than we of the mas- culine mass ever dreamed. And asa hurdler, I refer you to the manner in which she leap or overstep all ESTABLISHED 850 To her it is not work; she sim- ply plays with men, and wins every time. Take it by and large, the aver- age girl is the great- est little athlete of them all. And I back my assertion by mar- riage and divorce courts. The one which unites and then, twisting a letter, unties.” Disqualified Willis—The Hohenzollerns have no part in nment over there now, have they? o. You see, Germany formed a council of Soldiers and Workmen and the kaiser and his sons don’t belong to either class Drocn by Cursten Ganoe dance with the latest accepted the best and purest ingredients are used Sheffield’s is extremely r As the oldest, most experien it a pleasure to meet a person with a frank, open smile and a hearty laugh ? You need not be ash Dentifric can and should do. teeth, keeps healthy teeth sound and leaves a refreshed, pleasant aftertaste. d's Créme Dentifrice is formulated in ac med to smile if you use Dr. Sheflield’s It does everything that a good It cleans and whitens the theories of dental science; nable in price — 10c and 4 tooth paste manu- facturers in America, it is our belief that a better dentifrice cannot be produced. Ask your druggist for DR-SHEFFIELDS REME DEN Not Guilty | “Ah! So there are sixteen members in your family?” interestedly inquired the spectacled tourist. ‘How many of them are adults?” “None a-tall!” replied Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “I reckon you are thinking of that there trifling Trasher family, | down the road. All my folks behaves their- | selves.” Givine THe Brive Away comicbooks.com